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Young People Are Much More Aware of and Concerned About Issues Like the Environment, Pover


yas 2013 1 / -  
Oct 26, 2013   #1
One can not deny the young people role about issues such as environment, poverty, in addition animal welfare than previous generations in today's increasingly progressing world. I'm absolutely positive with this statement owing to the following reasons.

As we all are aware, nowadays, a great deal of dangers threats our surrounding environment like ozone depletion, global warming, decrease of natural resources, so on and so forth. The youth established the environment protecting organizations all around the world. One of the most important anxieties the younger generation is that, what is the contribution of next generation from precious gifts. The young people are holding the symposiums with subject of the solutions of environmental protection together with professors, scientifics, the environmental activists, and something like that, every year in throughout world.

Another problem which youth helps to remove is economic inequality. The economic inequality is the main reason of poverty in particular in the underdeveloped countries. Fore example, some youth leaves motherland to help in poverty-stricken countries. To the best of my knowledge, in African countries undernourishment is the most important cause at the mortality of people. The youth and their organisations are attempting with get funds from wealthy and developed countries to make way to eliminate this big problem.

The activities of young people will not be end to mentioned contributions. The animal welfare is one of the attractive issues for youth. In some cases they act as mother for abandoned animals. They also will help to protection of homeless dogs, cats and other pets. A large number of young people are helping to establish the animal protecting organisations.

One can draw the conclusion that, youth have a noticeable role in today's world issues. They will attempt to do everything to save and develop of their surrounding world.

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Oct 27, 2013   #2
First, you should have provided us the topic of this essay. The one that appears on the top does not reveal much information about what it expects from you. Is this an agree/ disagree essay? Also, are you preparing for IELTS or TOEFL? You need to tell all these information to us, if you intend to get meaningful feedbacks for your post.

One can not denythat the young people's role about issues such as environment, poverty, in addition animal welfare than previous generations in today's increasingly progressing world.

This sentence has many grammar issues. Also, it is not clear at all to the reader. Avoid writing such long sentences. Write short sentences and have one separate sentence for each idea. That way you can improve your grammar, clarity and presentation too.

It is difficult to fix the grammar in the above sentence since there are so many. Re-do it and post it!
something 23 / 52 5  
Oct 27, 2013   #3
One can not deny the young people

I think I's better to start like this.. "No one can deny that...."
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 28, 2013   #4
Overall, your essay needs lots of improvement with regard to clarity of your sentences. They don't convey the idea you intend to tell the reader.

This sentence has many grammar issues. Also, it is not clear at all to the reader. Avoid writing such long sentences. Write short sentences and have one separate sentence for each idea. That way you can improve your grammar, clarity and presentation too.

This is exactly what I too suggest you. Clarity is the most important aspect of an essay. There is no purpose of having rich vocabulary, if your ideas are not delivered to the reader properly.

Also, read the essays written by others on similar topics. You can find many such essays in this forum. That would help you pick up certain important phrases of expressing your ideas.


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