IELTS: fathers and mothers are used to set role models to their children

Topic: Parents are the best teachers. Agree vs disagree.

It is no doubt true that the first and the best teachers are parents. I completely agree with this view.

First and foremost, fathers and mothers are used to set role models to their children. Obviously, many young people try to take after their parents in every aspect of their lives. Moreover, stemming from uzbek mentality, it can be said that every single child is the mirror of their parents, as they are the main sources of getting basic rules of behavior and manners. If a father, for example, smokes very frequently in the presence of his son, then that boy is, more likely, will smoke as well. In this sense, parents are in a position of setting not only positive role models, but negative ones as well.

Further and even more importantly, parents personify the sort of people, who are very skillful and experienced. In clarifying, they are who have met the bittersweet and difficulties of life. In this respect, every single advice that is given by parents, is invaluable. In addition, the first and basic motivation towards books and education is given by them in a way of reading or telling stories at night to their children. My mother, for example, used to read many fascinating stories and I was keen on them. As a result, I got motivation and stimulus to read books, which is being extremely very useful in my life.

In conclusion, I once again restate my position that parents can be considered as the best teachers due to the aforementioned evidences.

- Abdurasul, you have written a very short introductory sentence. In fact, it lacks content. There is no restatement of the thesis, neither is there an overview of the discussion you will be making in the paper. Instead, we have your complete agreement with the point of view. Without any idea how or where this discussion emerged from. You need to develop this paragraph further in order to make it an acceptable introduction.


- While you present a good discussion, I believe that you can still develop this paragraph. If you won't mind my making a few suggestions, don't zero in specifically on the Uzbek mentality because this is a discussion that should be relevant on an international scale. Explain the power of observation as it develops in children and how they are influenced into their first speech patterns, walking, or physical movement based upon an infantile understanding of their parents actions. This would be one of the best ways to discuss the mirror example that you mentioned.


- Perhaps this is not the best example of parents as the best teachers. I am thinking that you can present the folk songs that we learn as children from our parents that helped us find our voices for the first time. Or the baby games that we played with them that taught us hand and eye coordination. Lengthen your discussion about the parents being our first educational motivators as well. That is a very important aspect that can help prove your point.

I have another suggestion to make. Perhaps you can also present a professional point of view on this topic? Information coming from child experts or pediatric doctors would definitely help to add academic credibility to your discussion and present a more professional looking paper :-)

1. i think your introductory very short, you should paraphrase the topic in your introductory.
2. you should create outline firstly, it makes your essay well-structure.
3. i think in the beginning of paragraph, you should write "firstly" and "secondly" it will be better than "First and foremost" and "Further and even more importantly" for academic writing.