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Is it feasible for a country provide university places for a high proportion of people?

katkat 2 / 2  
Apr 1, 2019   #1

many people pursuing diplomas

Hi all, l am praticing writing essays in hope of sharpening my writing skill and achieving in high band in IELTS
l hope l would receive feedbacks and commnets from you all
thank you so much !

Many people hold the view that allowing a large proportion of young people to pursue higher education is not practical and useful . From my perspective, I completely agree with this view

There are many reasons why university places for too many students would not be possible. To begin with, if we allowed this hypothesis happened ,there would be an dramatic increase in the number of university students, which means that the university will likely be overloaded for lack of space and facilities and therefore put a great pressure on the state universities. Furthermore ,the support from the governments is an indispensible part for they need to allocate funds to build more many schools and colleges .This is impossible since there are many more other considerable sectors they need to take priority over construction of universities.

I would also argue that even if this aim can be achieved, it would not generate any benefit. Offering many more university places will definitely result in entrance standards set to enter university lowered. As a result, teaching and studying quality is decreased and thereby generating low-qualified graduates. Another consequence worth mentioning is that a large number of graduates possessing the same educational attainments will make it challenging for employers when recruiting suitable candidates for vacant job positions; and one more negative result possibly predicted is this will lead to imbalance in workforce due to the lack of blue collar works working in manual works or factories

In conclusion, ,I completely agree with the belief that increasing the number of places available in universities is not possible and this is useful in the society for the reasons mentioned above.

Maria - / 1,100 389  
Apr 1, 2019   #2
I would suggest incorporating more concrete data into your essay.While the essay has a general flow and direction, it lacks the having a factual backbone. This can be easily resolved through including more data or case studies.

You can start with the following questions:
1. What do statistics say about the pursuit of higher education? Is it declining or rising?
2. What is the exact percentage allocated to the education system? What is the rationale as to why this persists?
3. In what context is your essay applicable? Are you referring to developed countries or developing ones? These countries have varying degrees of needs for development. If you could contextualize more, it would give a great benefit to the content of your essay.

Be more goal-oriented when you're writing your essay. Do you truly believe that offering more university placements will result to a lower educational standard? Or is it a matter of budgetary expansion? If you can quantitatively analyze the situation, it would as well better your essay's composition because it would make the content more reality-based.

Avoid being redundant in your language. For instance, in the second to the last sentence of your second paragraph, you shouldn't have put more many because it became excessive. Choose only one of these two terms because they're similar to each other.

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