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Fiji Wins First Ever Olympic Medal


Riandi31 2 / 9  
Aug 12, 2016   #1
Fiji's rugby have won the first medal in Olympic, Rio De Janeiro. The final score was 43-7. Kolinisau as a captain had scored for his team with calm back over his head as he was rolled onto his back in a tackle to touch down in the corner.

Rugby back again for the first time during the last 15 tournament at 1924. The International Olympic Committee in 2009 add this game to the tournament. As time goes on fiji has been prepared since end of drought until the Olympics held at Rio De Janeiro.

Leone Nakarawa as player japan created trouble for the British players with rude. He played a part in the leadup to try the Fijians spread the ball from edge of the field and went within a meter of scoring before he was dragged down. Fiji has sent athletes to the Olympics ever since the Melbourne Games in 1956, but had never previously won a medal.

time.com/4449624/2016-rio-olympics-fiji-rugby-sevens-gold/?xid=homepage

kobayakawa07 8 / 13  
Aug 12, 2016   #2
Hello Riandi. Nice to know you here. I like your essay very much. Here my analysis.

2nd paragraph.
The International Olympic Committee in 2009 added this game to the tournament.

Because it is in the past, I think you should give past tense in that sentence. Thank you
Risty01 10 / 16 1  
Aug 12, 2016   #3
Here my suggestions:
- Rugby was back,,
- The International Olympic Committee in 2009 added this game,,
- since the end
- Leone Nakarawa as a player from japan
- but he had never

Good job and keep trying.
dinartika19 37 / 67 6  
Aug 12, 2016   #4
Hai Riandy!

The International Olympic Committee addadded this game to the tournament in 2009.
As time goes, on fiji has been.....
grintdevereaux30 9 / 6 2  
Aug 12, 2016   #5
Hello there, here is my feedback for you, hopefully, I can help you with my correction.

Leone Nakarawa as player japanjapanese player created a trouble for the British players with rude. He played a part in the leaduplead up to try the Fijian' s spread the ...

... Fiji has sent to be an athletes to the Olympics ....
... but he had never previously won a medal.

just correct me if I wrong. I am still learning english too :)
Yusuf05 11 / 14 2  
Aug 15, 2016   #6
Hello mate!
Here are my comments for you!

First let your subject and predicate agree each other:
Fiji's rugby has won the first medal in Olympic, Rio De Janeiro

Second, keep "the tenses" is parallel
Permata992 7 / 12  
Aug 16, 2016   #7
Hallo my classmate..
I will give some comment for your writing...i hope it will be useful for you to create a good writing..

-please pay attention with the tenses and try to write more than 150 words it will useful to you to improve your writing test. Good Luck Riandi ! Fighting !


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