Topic: Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
everyone should contribute to nation education system
Families have a variety of choices to select their children educational foundation, particularly, private school or public school. This fact results in a debate on reducing taxes for whom choose private schools. In my opinion, i totally disagree with the idea taxes supporting the state education system should not be paid by families sending their children to private schools.
Firstly, in terms of financial status, students in private schools are more fortunate than those in state-funded schools, and education quality is not an exceptional factor. Therefore, it will definitely evoke public's disapproval of weathier families given taxes reduction in economic support for state education. On account that if this policy were passed and put into practice, it would cause a situation that poorer families have to pay higher taxes than the rich.
Apart from that, i think we should feel happy to make contribution to nation education system. With respect to developing countries, although the goverment always put a premium on nurturing young generation, it is still an unsolved problem of budget to provide schools and vocational orientation centers with up-to-date facilities and additional tools for syllabus. Because of this fact, training a productive workforce for country's future needs concerns of all the citizens. We also understand how vital it is to own well-qualified and competent workforce, which is the key of the prosperity of a nation.
In the long run, i do not believe that any financial concession should be made for people who take option for private schools education.
Hope that i will receive all your helpful feedbacks, and if possible, i would be very pleased that you grade my writing. Thanks a lot.[/i]... i I totally ... idea of taxes ...
... evoke the public's disapproval of wealthier families ...
..., i I think ... make a contribution to the national education system. ... the government always put ... tools for a syllabus. ... to own a well-qualified ... the key of to the prosperity of a nation.
... i I do not ... who take an option ...
Hi there, I think your essay is structured well with clear paragraphs. About vocabulary, I think you use various and deserve good band. But to some extent, I also think you should clear out your opinion because it is not understandable to readers. To solve this problem, I think you should use less academic words and place more examples so that readers will sense your essay easier.
@tiffanyvietnam
Hi there, Tiffany!
Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with substantive feedback on your essay, hoping that it would help you in the long-run to nurture your writing skills.
Let's take a look at your essay.
Firstly, I find that the structure of your sentences should be simplified. Given that you are given such a small amount of space to work with, it would be better if you could substantiate your essay through incorporating more techniques that will help you trim down the unnecessary and irrelevant portions. Try to organize your content in this light also. Having full grasp of a directed and formed manner is essential to writing efficiently and effectively.
For instance, take a look at this revision:
Firstly, in terms of financial status, students in ... state-funded schools, and education ... factor. The disparities are due to gaps in educational quality. Therefore, it will definitely evoke public's disapproval of wealthier families given taxes ... support should there be reduced taxes for state education. On account that i If this policy were was passed and put into practiced, it would ... that poorer families ... than the richer ones.
In terms of content, I find that the depth of your essay needs more work. You had numerous underdeveloped thoughts spread throughout. It would be better if you could cut down and tailor-fit your content more. For instance, your last paragraph needs more work to be considered as a concluding remark for the essay. Try providing an integrated analysis rather than making a generalized sentiment on the topic.
Best of luck as always!
@suong1510
Thank u so much
