IELTS ; Letter to Football Team-mate to inform why I leave the team

May 27, 2013 #1

You are a football player, but you have to leave the team for a while,
write a letter to your team-mate and say:
- why you have to leave,
- how much you love the football team,
- when you are coming back.

I hope this letter finds you in good spirit and health. I am writing this letter to notify you that I won't be able to take part in next week's practice sessions as well as qualify sessions which are scheduled on next weekend. As my cousin sister is getting married next weekend.

As you are aware with my dedication and commitment towards my team and love for football. However, I have social obligation to fulfill, my sister is heavily relying on me to make her wedding day - the most memorable one. As a senior member of my family, I have been assigned many wedding duties such as venue, decorations, and catering to table arrangements. All activities require my time and hence I have to skip my football sessions.

I know I have created a void in team selection in such short notice but I have my family commitments. I hope you will understand my moral duty as a brother.

I will be rejoining the practice sessions from Monday onwards. Hope to see you all very soon!
Yours truly,
Barack Obama

April April 13 / 147

May 27, 2013 #2

I am writing this letter to notify you that I won't be able to take part in next week's practice sessions as well as qualify sessions which are scheduled on next weekend. As my cousin sister is getting married next weekend.

--> use a comma between these two sentences because the second one is an incomplete sentence.

As you are aware with my dedication and commitment towards my team and love for football.

--> Again you start a sentence with "As", but "as" is only a conjunction, like "because" or "while", so this one is also an incomplete sentence.

You are supposed to write about how much you love the football team, but I think your second paragraph is more about "why is it important for you to attend the wedding"; you only mention you passion for the football team in one short sentence at the beginning, so I think it's not enough. You should work on the details of "how much you love the football team".

Best

dumi 1 / 6793

May 27, 2013 #3

Hi, First, please select "Writing Feedback" forum for all IELTS topics. Second, you need too have a meaningful topic in the subject field that describes your essay when you make a post. These are forum rules and please follow them in your next essays.

I am writing this letter to notify you that I won't be able to take part in next week's practice sessions as well as qualify sessions which are scheduled on next weekend.

... here the part "next weekend" seems getting repeated.

As you are aware with my dedication and commitment towards my team and love for football

.... your start with "As" leaves this sentences incomplete. You need to add something to this to make it complete or you should not have "As";

You are aware of my love for football and my dedication and commitment towards our team.

OP sophisticated 4 / 9

May 28, 2013 #4

Surely
I will be careful next time

Thank you

nicktheB 1 / 1

May 28, 2013 #5

I hope this letter finds you in good ~~spirit and~~ health. The purpose of this letter is to bring to your attention ~~I am writing this letter to notify you~~ that I won't be able to take part in next week's practice ~~sessions as well as~~ and qualifying sessions which are scheduled onfor the next weekend. The reason of my absense is my cousin sisters marriage which is taking place next weekend~~As my cousin sister is getting married next weekend~~ .

I am sure you are aware ~~with~~of my dedication and commitment towards my team and love for football. However, I have social obligationswhich I can not ignore~~to fulfill, my sister is heavily relying on me to make her wedding day - the most memorable one~~ . As a senior member of my family, I have been assigned many wedding duties such as venue, decorations, and catering to table arrangements. All activities require my time and therefore ~~hence~~ I have to skip my football sessions.

I know I have created a void in team selection in such short notice but I have my family commitments. I hope you will understand my moral duty as a brother.

I will be rejoining the practice sessions from Monday onwards. Hope to see you all very soon!

All in all good explanation, just few adjustments here and there! If you like my reply, please like my post :) and also my essay in scholarship essay page. Thanks and good luck!