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ielts writing task foreign cultures introduced



duan2207 1 / -  
Jun 18, 2024   #1
Many people are afraid that foreign cultures introduced through movies, music, social networks or life styles may discourage the young from maintaining their native cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In this day and age, owing to continual social developments, a wide variety of preconceptions, especially about culture, have experienced substantial variations. Some individuals claim that via social media, overseas cultures are likely to promote youngsters to lose their cultural identity while others hold an opposite opinion. The latter statement, from my perspective, indicates more rationalities in different aspects.

First and foremost, it is evident that the national traditions and beliefs have imprinted in the minds of almost every citizen. Through unwritten stories, legends and annual cultural festivals, people, in particular teenagers, have carved their country's long lasting custom and culture in their hearts. In contrast, the influence of other cultures via social networking sites is temporary for a certain period of time. As a result, the idea of discouraging adolescents from cultural identity protection does not seem feasible.

Moreover, in education, cultural values are also incorporated into the school curriculum. Through history lessons, for example, students will understand the importance of country's tradition and the sacrifices that their predecessors have made to preserve those merits. This is able to motivate them to follow in ancestor's footsteps and raise their awareness of the duty to conserve cultural characteristics. Besides, custom and traditions are also conveyed through the media, which also make a great contribution to broaden youngster's horizon about the ways to protect them.

On a final note, I believe that the impact of external culture is unlikely to distract the young generation's preservation of cultural identity due to aforementioned reasons.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15466  
Jun 21, 2024   #2
You focused so much on vocabulary usage in the first paragraph that you lost sight of the original topic references and discussion points. By trying to come across as highly intelligent and an advanced English user, you instead showed all of the flaws that your English skills have. You have written sentences that do not make sense to the native speaker and, you failed to address all of the channels that are involved in the discussion. You focused only on social media, limiting the discussion focus of the upcoming paragraphs. Next time, focus on topic presentation clarity to avoid a failing C+C and GRA score. By not responding correctly to the guide question "To what extent", you also failed to meet the preliminary Task Accuracy writing format. I am afraid this is a failing score essay because of these early presentation problems.


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