Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

IELTS Task 2: Freedom of speech in a free society


vynguyen 2 / 7 1  
Mar 1, 2014   #1
Please have a look at my essay. Thanks in advance!

Topic: Is freedom of speech necessary in a free society?

While we are working towards a free society, there has long been controversy over whether freedom of speech should be curtailed in favor of social harmony. Some even oppose absolute freedom of speech. However, I advocate that this right should be promoted in all aspects of life, as I believe it is an indispensable element of the modern civilization.

On the one hand, freedom of speech enables the government to maintain a stable nation. Only when criticisms of how a government operates are publicly voiced, can it promptly respond to social issues encountered by its citizens. Furthermore, it seems to me that a nationally important decision can hardly be reached if not preceded by thorough consideration of a representative range of views. Freedom of expression, in a sense, is a cornerstone upon which our society develops.

On the other hand, access to this right helps make social equality possible to an extent. The lack of freedom of speech has been inflicting the already marginalized, i.e. ethnic minorities facing discrimination, LGBT people, or released prisoners. Whereas the scale of their struggles varies, they have one thing in common: they face greater barriers, ironically erected by the society they live in, when expressing their worries and needs. To allow absolute freedom of expression, I believe, is to give them an opportunity to conquer their current difficulties.

In addition, freedom of speech also strengthens critical thinking. Many Vietnamese college students are unable to defend their perspective over a problem, partly because they were only taught to follow standards. This is a prime example of how speaking freely matters. The scene would be different now if they had been encouraged to speak up their mind without being afraid of overstepping what is considered accepted.

Though it can be abused for malicious purposes, freedom of speech is necessary on the path towards a free society, I firmly believe. We, once armed with this right, will be able to stand up for what we believe in and make other kinds of freedom possible.

kridUessay 2 / 15 5  
Mar 1, 2014   #2
In my opinion, your essay is awesome and really good for IELTs exam. Just a few minor grammar issues. But that does not break the flow of your essay.
lynn0chan 1 / 2 2  
Mar 1, 2014   #3
Hello. Your essay has some marvelous points and is written in a superior manner, with advanced vocabulary and coherent structure.

The only thing that is bugging me, apart from the few minor grammar issues kridUessay mentioned, are the initial linking words of two of your paragraphs.

You use 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand', as if you were writing a discursive essay. However, your
aim was to go for a persuasive essay, in which case using these doesn't quite fit your content.
May I suggest you use 'furthermore' instead of 'on the other hand'? And as goes for 'on the one hand', it is
a phrase gramatically incorrect (because of the 'the') and too doesn't fit the persuasive style of your essay. You could use
'first and foremost'; it adds a nice touch. .)

Other than that, I love it. Wish you good luck with the IELTs!
OP vynguyen 2 / 7 1  
Mar 1, 2014   #4
Thank you both for correcting me. Your comments are really helpful. Actually I'm a little bit confused about linking words. Think I'll have to spend more time working on them. ;)
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 4, 2014   #5
While we are working towards a free society, there has long been controversy over whether freedom of speech should be curtailed in favor of social harmony. Some even oppose absolute freedom of speech. However, I advocate that this right should be promoted in all aspects of life, as I believe it is an indispensable element of the modern civilization.

Very good introduction - good structure, ideas, vocabulary :)

May I suggest you use 'furthermore' instead of 'on the other hand'?

I feel this is a good suggestion. You are adding on another reason to justify your position on the argument.

You write very well and if you were able to manage time for this task, I feel you really do not have to worry about this task.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Freedom of speech in a free society