Full time education before the age of 18 is beneficial for students and the whole society

IELTS writing Task 2 full time education before 18; disagree or agree

Thank you for correcting my essay and giving me some constructive advice!

longer education

With the pervasiveness of compulsory education, some people hold that pupils should continue to be educated until they are 18 years old. In my opinion, I agree that young students are ought to have full time education before the age of 18 as it will benefit both individuals and society.

The good reason for youngsters not to leave schools early is that it will award them advanced qualifications which are widely recognized by the whole society. At present, a number of labor engaging in lifetime of unskilled work in factories due to lack of graduation certificates of senior high schools,a phenomenon that is quite normal in China. However, graduates with higher-level certifications are capable of finding decent jobs such as secretaries , teachers and accountants more easily. According to a survey conducted by Global economics,there is strong evidence to show that the connection between the level of degrees and jobs' treatments worldwide.

Another point to consider is that further education can equip adolescents with the ability handling relationship with peers . Since seminars and group assignment account for large proportion in most senior schools curriculum schemes, students can be motivated to cooperate with others to tackle some complicated issues together. Only young generation under 18 year old participate in such activities enough, could they know how to get along with colleagues in workplace,which is beneficial for establishing harmonious working environment.

Finally, longer time education will benefit society in the long run, for the simple reason that it equips a wild section of young people with progressive techniques and professional knowledge instead of some basic ones.people. In other words, having a greater resource of skilled and knowledgeable professionals will bring more economic advantages to society as a whole

In conclusion, full time education until 18 is a must for any country that wishes to advance. The cost of longer full time education will be recouped many times over by the benefit it brings.

Jessie, please come up with an original title for your essay next time. You cannot use the prompt topic as the title. That will eventually earn you a suspension from the moderators. Consider this a friendly reminder. It is a reminder that also asks you to please post the complete prompt topic and instructions in the next thread because I need the complete prompt to compare your work against. I cannot accurately judge the completeness of your response if I do not have the guidelines by which I can analyze your work.

The first paragraph has a problem in it as you point out that you are stating your "opinion" on the matter. The basis of the essay discussion is not one of an opinion essay. This is an agreement or disagreement essay. Therefore, you could have simply stated that "I agree with the statement due to a number of reasons that will be discussed below." There is no need to say "In my opinion" because an opinion is different from taking a side and defending it. The side already exists and you are merely supporting it. To say "In my opinion" means that there is no side to be considered in the discussion yet. That is not the case in this essay so that is the wrong sentence to include in the opening statement.

Your second paragraph opens with a highly confusing statement. I think you translated from the original Chinese language when you developed the sentences. That is why it is kind of difficult to understand. You need to keep the sentences simple while you are doing the practice tests. Try to explain yourself in short sentences for now. You will slowly progress in sentence length as you gain more confidence and knowledge as to how to best develop English sentences.

In terms of required elements, your opening and closing statements need work. You have to learn to develop far more informative opening statements that can accurately portray the outline of the expected, upcoming discussion. While your concluding paragraph needs to be better developed in terms of simply closing the essay in a manner that accurately restates the prompt, summarizes the discussion, and finally, repeats your agreement or disagreement with the statement.