Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Future of Media Conclusion - (High School)

njbignell 1 / 2  
Oct 4, 2006   #1
Could someone please review my essay on the future of media, it is only the personal conclusion for a project so don't worry about the references to non-existent material.

__________________________________________________ _________________________

// the final version of the essay below - Moderator //
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Oct 4, 2006   #2

You have an interesting and well-written article here. The only major problem I see is with run-on sentences. There are several places where you have a comma when a period is called for, and others where you simply keep on going when you should stop and take a breath. I've noted a few other suggested changes as well; corrections are in bold. I've tried to include enough of the phrase so that you can find it easily.

Paragraph #
#1: countries further > countries. Further
allow the reader to fully customize his or her reading > allow readers to fully customize their reading
#3: last six years and shows > last six years. It shows
offer huge potential, offering a huge client base > offer great potential, with a huge client base
#4: corporations, this is because > corporations. This is because
surpasses > surpass
most people, a technology > most people. A technology
Upon a users query the system > Upon a user's query, the system
before delivering it to the consumer, all without any human > before delivering it to the consumer. All of this without any human
already commenced, recently Rupert > already commenced. Recently Rupert
consumer profiling, the integration > consumer profiling. The integration
capabilities, is tipped > capabilities is tipped [do you really mean "tipped"?]
magazines, the current mediums > magazines. The current mediums

Let me know if I can be of further assistance!


Sarah, EssayForum.com
OP njbignell 1 / 2  
Oct 4, 2006   #3
Thanks heaps for doing that for me, it was a great help.

Here is the entire essay, if anyone has some spare time could they have a look over a section or paragraph?


G-Tech (Global Technologies) is a hypothetical conglomerate corporation that is considering the possibility of investment into the area of internet based news distribution. The long-term endeavour of the project is to seamlessly integrate dynamic news sources into the daily life of homes throughout the world at the simple click of a mouse or dialling of a number. To assist in the decision I was employed to produce a document discussing the general viability of their investment.

Imaging being able to read news that dynamically updates its pages and filters out articles using a system that is constantly growing more and more aware of your reading habits, delivering you only the articles that you want, when you want, without limitations. You could have the news read to you on the way to work or even sit down and watch them using a PDA or iPod, this is not in the news of the future, it is the news of today.

Our technology provides consumers with continuous access to the latest news articles upon subscription, the content can be e-mailed to the customers account or can be accessed at any time they fell is convenient through the website. As a result of the global and unrestrictive nature of the internet, Global Technologies will be capable of marketing its service at an international level without facing the physical distribution problems that render many news corporations internationally unviable.

As a result of the chaotic nature of modern society, an aggressively intensifying demand for technologies that permit effortless and prompt access to the most up-to-date information has become apparent. The service provided by us will rapidly develop into a necessity for the majority of households to remain up to date with the most recent and engaging information.

G-Tech appreciates how much of a frustration it can be to find time in a busy schedule for the simplest of tasks, such as going out and getting a newspaper then spending your valuable time sifting through countless articles to find information that is genuinely reliable and relevant. Our service will do the sifting, sorting and collection for you and bring you the articles you want, anytime, anywhere.

The information that will be sent to the consumer will be primarily determined by the profile that is constructed by our evolving personalized information construct. A search will be conducted for the users profile on our databases upon a registered user’s login to the website. Our databases can essentially house limitless amounts of information on limitless profiles on each and every user registered with the website. The profiles consist of people’s hobbies, social networks, internet surfing habits, location and general interests, they even expand to the smallest details, such as the amount of time they spend on the internet every day and at what sites they spend it at. Based on this detailed profile, information will be delivered to the users’ computer in accordance with their specified areas on interest. All of this is done with minimal user interaction from both a consumer and employees perspective and relies almost entirely on our dynamically evolving artificial intelligence engine.

The single-most appealing unique characteristic of our service is its lack of user interaction from both the businesses and consumers’ perspective, this feature is primarily applicable to the busy majority of the world. Another appealing feature of our service is its ability to distribute news on events that took place only minutes ago. Once the article has been posted, visitors of the site can post comments concerning the article, allowing people to engage in real-time discussions and debates on controversial news articles moments after publication on events that occurred only moments prior. Readers can even post their individual ideas intended for news items they wish to see published, all without leaving their home.

Our service will minimize the amount of paper that is used to print newspapers, the positive environmental impact of our service will be a key marketing point. While a huge quantity of newspapers are recycled, in reality, most of the paper used in newspapers is either burnt or thrown away than is actually read.

As far as financial facet of the investment extends, the costs are negligible when put into comparison with the expenses associated with the static newspapers, who are currently the sole opposition to the project. All journalists could be outsourced and there would be almost no printing or distribution expenses to deliver the media to its appropriate audience.

One major imperfection in the procedure is obtaining precise and thorough profiles to begin with, it is accepted by us that people have an inclination to approach the tedious and tiresome chore of data entry with an uncompromisingly lethargic approach. Whilst the evolving profile database and its AI capabilities has the potential overcome this, it ought to be noted that cases of significant or total misinformation on the consumers behalf may lead to incorrect delivery of news items.

Another key drawback in the investment is the reality that not everybody desires to go to the internet to read the news or may not be capable of meeting the expense associated with an internet connection and subscription to the service. In the occurrence that a considerable amount of these cases are evident, a mini-newspaper may be printed utilizing the personalised information concept of the dynamic media and would be delivered directly to their mailbox, however, such static publications would not allow any room for the many advantages that the dynamic media has over it.

The market segment that will be the initial point of focus will be on is the rural and secluded locations that lack the ability to provide easy access to news distribution outlets. Statistical research shows that there has been a significant rise in the level of internet connectivity in areas over ten kilometres from towns and cities in the recent years. Our service would enable people in such situations to have on-demand accessibility to a seemingly unlimited source of news from all over the world without the requirement of extensive knowledge of computers and the internet.

Further down the track the technology offered by G-Tech has the potential to become the primary medium of news and information distribution, surpassing all prior mediums including newspapers and magazines. By taking a proactive approach, G-Tech is ensuring that it is capable of becoming one of the key bodies involved in the modernisation of the media, an industry that has shown a colossal rate of expansion in recent times.

On average, people of western developed regions spend approximately ten dollars a month on newspaper and magazine and subscriptions, the basic internet connection in the present day can be obtained from as little as eleven dollars a month. For the ease of use and functionality provided by the internet news mediums, the additional one dollar expense is without doubt justified. In addition, the environmental impact associated with the success of internet news would ensure government support and potentially some form of subsidisation for internet connectivity.

The key threat to the investment is the reality that the low level of expenditure and start-up efforts associated with such projects may capture the attention of other investors and businesses. Their interest in similar projects could potentially result in a significant loss of clients, particularly if services are offered that are not within the limitations of our technologies.

The key legal threat to businesses involved in collection and implementation of private information is the privacy act , while the storage of customers’ personal information would be consented by all parties involved, the misallocation or leaking of personal information of nature offending or endangering to anyone concerned would place the company in a state of legal vulnerability.

An additional threat to the success of the investment is the consumers’ opinions towards our user profiling engine, it may be seen that such technologies are obtrusive or insecure.

The project has extensive potential as highlighted in the opportunities section above. Internet marketing has recently taken its place on the throne, throwing the physical marketing medium back down to second place, it will not be long until news follows in its footsteps.

From the information presented in the study, it can be seen that the investment into the area of internet news distribution would present numerous key benefits to private consumers, primarily the dynamic and automated functionalities. These benefits overcompensate for its weaknesses and threats, the project is without doubt financially feasible, and given that significant marketing and promotional efforts will be attached to the project, the project is physically and technologically viable.

The technologies mentioned in the study will one day become the dominant method of news distribution in western developed countries, further into the distant future. These technologies are easily extensible, functional and allows readers to fully customize their reading experience to suit their individual requirements.

A simple search on one of the already active internet news websites presents you with a diverse assortment of articles on events that occurred just minutes ago, or in the case of major events, articles are occasionally accessible live from the scene of the incident in the form of audio or video.

From a businesses perspective, such companies offer great potential with a huge client base that has doubled over the last six years and shows no significant signs of slowing and has every opportunity to increase. The work associated with establishing businesses on the internet is negligible when contrasted with the physical construction and assets that must be purchased to commence business.

Conglomerate corporations will primarily provide internet news, this is because they have the capital and means to research and develop the products quickly and efficiently. The technologies that are beginning to emerge surpass the wildest imaginations of most people. A technology known as Artificial Journalism that has been deployed as a prototype and proven to work on a small scale basis is a system that creates fully personalized news articles based on the aforementioned personalization systems. The technology utilizes artificial intelligence and huge profile databases to develop articles written entirely by computers. What this system does is accumulate news articles from sources all over the world and catalogues them in a database. Upon a user’s query, the system would gather all appropriate articles, filter them based on user relevancy and popularity throughout the world, and seamlessly combine them, fixing any grammatical and structural error before delivering it to the consumer. All of this can be achieved with little or no human interaction, with exclusions on the user’s behalf.

The transition has already commenced. Recently Rupert Murdoch acquired mySpace, a website that houses thorough profiles on each and every one of its one-hundred-million users, worldwide. Google has also begun researching methods of data acquisition and consumer profiling, the integration of these technologies and their dominant marketing capabilities, is looked upon as the leader of internet news in the future.

These new technologies have many advantages over current newspapers and magazines. The current mediums will soon become insufficient to supply the world with frequent news. The future of the information distribution lies not within the current methods but with the convergence of dynamic media into seamlessly integrated databases.
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Oct 4, 2006   #4

While I can't edit the whole essay for you, I'll point out a few things that you can apply to the rest of the essay. You still have a few run-on sentences that use a comma where a period belongs. Try reading your essay out loud. Anywhere there's a pause where you would take a breath and start a new thought is probably a place where a period belongs. For example, in paragraph #3, "latest news articles upon subscription," should be "latest news articles. Upon subscription, ". You also employ the passive voice a LOT. The passive voice can make your writing flat and removes the reader farther away from the action. In paragraph #4, instead of saying, "The service provided by us" consider "Our service." Passive voice often includes "by [noun or pronoun]" after the verb.

Be sure to skip a line between paragraphs, unless your instructor wants you to indent instead. (I counted each of the hard returns under "Feasibility Study" as a paragraph, although you didn't skip a line.)

I found a few typos, notably in paragraph #2: Imaging should be Imagine and in #3: "they fell is convenient" should be "feel".

Just a little more polishing, and I think you'll have it!

Best of luck with your studies,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
OP njbignell 1 / 2  
Oct 4, 2006   #5
Thanks for pointing out those problems, I'll fix up as much as I can and then see if I can get a friend to read it out loud to me.

Thank you so much for your help, sometimes its hard to critisize your own work.

Home / Writing Feedback / Future of Media Conclusion - (High School)
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳