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IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Future plans to design prisons for learning and working


awbtbsitw 1 / -  
Jul 20, 2018   #1

turning prison into "holiday camps"?



Future plans to design prisons for learning and working , with bigger cells containing computers that will enable study an communication , have been criticized for trying to turn prison into " holiday camps" and for " wasting taxpayers' money " . To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views??

Many people argue that future plans of redesigning existing prisons , which allow prisoners to have opportunities to learn and work , are such a waste of money and would make prison seems like a place to entertain . While this might be true to some extent , I firmly believe that this approach can bring some benefits.

For a variety of reasons , it would be wrong to invest a large amount of money in transforming prisons to be a better place while the outcome is not guaranteed. If the national budget is spent for such things , that means less money would be allocated for education of the young generations who are eager to learn . As a result , this high-risk investment may cause several damaging effects on education quality . Furthermore , who would be the one that hold responsibility in ensuring that prisons will not take advantage of these accommodation for evil purposes . For example , prisoners might together discuss a plan of prison-breaking thanks to internet-connected computers.

However , I still believe that these changes need to be made . Firstly , because the rights of learning and working is some of the most fundamental ones written in every countries' constitution , so this means every members of society should have equal opportunities of learning and working . Secondly , this changes might not only to give prisoners motivation and interest , but also help them live a relatively normal life. By this way ,after being released , prisoners may find it easier to reconnect with society , and therefore they would be less likely to reoffend.

In conclusion , I believe that the future schedules to positively change prisons should be encouraged in order to create a equal society.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Jul 21, 2018   #2
Tran, you did not understand what the discussion method for this topic is. Your response to the original question is inappropriate and caused you to discuss the topic from a different angle than originally intended. Look at the outline below in order to understand how you made your mistake:

Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views??

Response: While this might be true to some extent , I firmly believe that this approach can bring some benefits.

The discussion instruction is asking you to take a measured approach to the discussion once you have chosen a side to defend. So either you agree or disagree and then place a measurement of support behind your opinion choice. For example, I would have said that :

I totally disagree with the concept of turning prisons into vacation places for criminals for several reasons.

Then, using the pre-stated reasons in the original discussion, I would have written a 3 body paragraph in support of my stance.

You turned this single opinion essay into a comparative discussion because you were not clear on how to approach the discussion. Familiarize yourself, using samples from this forum, with the various methods of approaching the extent essay discussions. That should help you develop a more proper approach to your own writing when you come across another extent essay discussion.


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