the live on earth is a challenge
Many people believe that living on the Earth has been becoming more challenging and we should pour money into looking for other planet to live, such as Mars. In my opinion, this solution is not necessary.
There are reasons to doubt of plan to move to the Mars. Firstly, although the Mars has some similar conditions to the Earth but whether living organisms ever existed there remains unknown. We are still on the progress of research about this planet to get more understanding. And some recent experiments show that we even need to find out the way of production oxygen to breath if we have a long trip on this place.
Secondly, moving 7.7 billions people from the Earth to Mars cost billions dollars and we need to prepare a huge fund for this transfer. Furthermore, our government also need to arrange new accommodation for all citizens. We can image the whole process may take many decades even centuries while human race has been existing on the Earth millions years. Inspire of the fact that, we are coping with the increasingly harsh living condition such as over-exploited and depletion natural resources, lack of accommodation due to population explosion and densely populated cities, rise of sea lever causes more land are being shrunk or so on.
However, scientist also insist on that future of Earth or survival of human race depend on human mainly and all thing can be changed if development of clean, green energy slow down global warming of the Earth.
In conclusion, I consider that the research for new planets is waste of time and resource and efforts should be concentrated on technology that allows us to live more sustainably right here on the Earth.looking for other planets to live
You should make sure "planet" includes the "s" at the end to indicate multiple planets. If you meant only one other planet, you could use "another" instead of "other".
to doubt of plan to move
This part of your sentence is confusing and I'm not sure what you're trying to say. I suggest that you rephrase this part.
to the Earth, but whether living organisms ever
There shouldn't be a "but" here. After removing the "but", add a comma to Earth.
7.7 billions people
It should just be "7.7 billion" rather than billions. Also, I'm not sure anyone suggests moving the entire population on Earth to another planet, so you may wish to consider changing this point.
We can image
Did you mean "imagine" instead?
Inspire of the fact that
Did you mean "inspite" instead?
depletion of natural resources
You should have an "of" here.
rise of sea lever causes ...
Did you mean "levels" instead of "lever" ? Also, consider rephrasing the second part of this sentence as it doesn't sound right. "Causing more land to be shrunk" would be a possible alternative.
The main point of your writing seems good. I hoped this helped.
@ng864
Thank you so much for your precious feedback. It is really usefull for me. This is the first time I have joined this forum and my writing skill is not good enough. Therefore, I hope I can get more comment from you for next essay. Once again, thank you.
paragraphs to be with same size. Improvement in the foramtion of introduction and conclusion are required. Overall, it is a good writing about the topic.
@Nancy Vu
Great ideas you have there.
I will want to make these few corrections.
In your second paragraph, the article the before Mars should be off.
way of production oxygen .... producing
Inspire of the fact that.....Inspite
All the best
