Please help with following IELTS writing task 2.I haven't attempted any exams.I want to check my current level in writing essay.I am writing this essay by going through different essays y different people.
Different strengths and weaknesses of men and women, and suitability to work
Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?
Difference in positive and negative aspects between male and female genders is popular.Discrimination on the basis of gender is a bad idea.Instead of this a professional should be selected according to their willingness to work and their skill set.
Include people in profession considering the sill sets they have.Time and excellence in work is the key factor needed for a profession,so people should be given job if they have the ills required to do the job perfectly and in specified time.There are immense number of job in foreign counties.Job sites in Austria ask for only mastered skills,moreover they provide an option to skip the step which asks for gender. Otherwise people would not try out this website for jobs.
Furthermore,people who ave willingness to work will work in any circumstance.In other words,if a person is willing to work hard in a profession which he is not experienced,he will eventually master the profession and it might lead to a great career.In contrast,people who are selected according to gender and are not willing to do that job will cause problems to the work environment.For instance,people are made permanent in a job after checking their diligence rather than their gender in developed countries.
In conclusion,a person is said to be apt for a job,if he is willing and also if he has particular skills require for this work.Getting into a profession on the grounds of gender is not at all acceptable.
I'd like to comment on your punctuation. You should put a (space) after a coma and a full stop. This might sound simple but it will decrease your score. And also there are so many typos here, when you are in the real test, please spare time to recheck the spelling.
For the content, you are not answering the prompt since there is no clear discussion about whether it is right to exclude males or females from certain professions. You just conclude everything at the start and what you explain in the paragraphs are the explanation of the conclusion.
Hope it will help
Note, I'm not an expert or a native speaker.
Your answer (238 words) is too short for task 2, your essay should be not less than 250 words.
Difference ... is popular>> I think the difference itself is not popular, it is the idea of the presence of difference.
a bad idea >> avoid using any informal or not academic expressions.
Instead of this, a professional
eing people in profession (either use the plural form "professions" or put an article " a profession" for the countable singular nouns) consider ing should consider the skill sets they have.
Time and excellence in work
is are ( I think you mean here "good timing" or "good time management " as a skill not "time"
given job>> "hired" is more accurate here
the skills required
number of jobs
moreover they >> the usage of moreover here is not accurate ; it should be in the beginning of the sentence (. Moreover, they)
if a person ... which
he they .. >> use singular they when talking in general without gender specification , or you can avoid this error by using the plural form ( people for example instead of person)
regarding your task response : it is not answering the question, try to enroll in an Ielts writing course to have a detailed explanation of the requirements of the task.
Ramus, this essay will receive an automatic failing score because you have written less than the 250 minimum word count. You can write more than 250 words but never less than that. The reason that you fell under the word count is because you wrote only 2 sentences per paragraph when the minimum requirement, that will help you achieve the minimum 250 words is 3 sentences. The maximum is 5 sentences.
All of your paragraph are composed of run-on sentences, which is the main reason why you fell under the word count. You need to separate each sentence presentation by using only one idea per sentence. Do not combine information, opinions, or examples into one sentence presentation. That will almost always result in failing presentation on the part of the test taker.
Never rely on the constant use of commas to separate your thought process. Always use a full stop to indicate a complete thought to the reader. This is not only part of academic writing skills, but also has a direct relation on the coherence, cohesiveness, and GRA scoring of your essay.
Needless to say, there is no part of this essay that would even come close to attaining a passing score, on an individualized bracket consideration basis at this point.