Global sales; people buy CDs rather the DVD/video and games - IELTS writing Task practice

The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video.
write a report for a university lecture describing the information.

The bar chart illustrates the changes of sales for different media around all over the world during the three years .There was a significant feature that all media have an uptrend between 2000 and 2003.

Generally speaking, it can be seen that the sales of videos and DVD and games software have increased, while that for CDs have gone down slightly over a three-year period. Meanwhile, there was a moderate growth for CDs almost account for 31 billion three years later. Moreover, from 2000 to2003, games software which climbed gradually (gradual climb) from 11billion to 19 billion was the lowest sales. What's more, between 2000 and 2001, saw a modestly rose expected to approach 15 billion in the sales of games software.

In summary, the majority of CDs sales are the highest sales in each year .this trends show that people prefer to buy CDs rather than buy the DVD/video and games software in all over the world.

158 words

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As far as I know, your essay should be corrected as follows:
- There was a significant feature that all media have an uptrend between 2000 and 2003. => wrong content
- it can be seen that the sales of videos and DVD and games software have increased, while that for CDs have gonewent down slightly over a three-year period.

- What's more, between 2000 and 2001, we can seesaw a modestly rose expected to approach 15 billion in the sales of games software.
- According to my two teachers who are real IELTS examiners, the writing in task 1 do not need to have the conclusion.