[TOEFL] Globalisation worldwide effect - similarities in different countries

Topic: Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

United World

With technologic developments, people can reach out anything easily. People can access any laptop, car or food from long-distance countries. It can be an excellent opportunity for everyone. However, it has some negative aspects such as to cause monopolisation and killing the local business.

The first negative effect of globalisation is that it is killing the local business. These days, a company which has money and power can spread easily all over the world. If a company spread all over the world, other small business which are selling similar products in the country will affect harmful. For instance, when a corporation who is selling vegetables and fruits enter the market in a country, a food supplier sell in the country will be affected harmfully. A company will sell the similar vegetables on half price. So that, a food supplier will be bankrupt.

The second negative effect of globalisation is that it causes monopolisation. When a company has too much power, it does not allow to grow enterprises that do the same job with this company. It is always good to have opponent firms for us. Also, monopolisation leads do not care about us because they are the one option for us. For instance, UberEats which is a firm delivery food changed their mediation fees %3 to %10 less than one year. After that restaurants increased their food prices and today, we should buy food more expensive than the past.

As a result, to able to buy the same products can be seen a good opportunity for us. However, it comes with a lot of issue like monopolisation and killing the local business. We should consider negative sides of this and take action about it.

Perita, when you discuss your opening statement, after you present your opinion, do not add information to it that will make it seem like you are already discussing the facts of the essay. The opening statement must only serve as a reference point for your ability to restate an English discussion and outline a discussion process. This is used to consider whether or not you have the English analytical ability for university studies. The actual discussion should only be presented in the body paragraphs.

In the second paragraph, you have an incomplete sentence at the point where you said


Are you a business owner? Why do you address yourself in the incomplete sentence? The sentence is not clear in meaning. You need to clarify what you mean by offering a reason to support it.

When you present the percentage discussion, please present it in the global format which is: number then percentage symbol. It throws the reader off when you present it in reverse.

In your closing remarks, you must never add new information, such as the final sentence that indicates how the negative sides need to be noted and action must be taken upon it. That is presenting a new venue for discussion, which is is not allowed in a closing paragraph as the paragraph is meant to simply end the discussion. The way to end it is by summarizing the earlier discussion and then repeating your opinion at the end. There is no need for additional information at that point. Otherwise, you will need a new paragraph to discuss that information. In which case, you will go over the maximum 5 paragraph requirement.