advantages of taking up a part-time work
Some people think that doing a part-time job is good for both students and school. I agree with this statement and give some reasons below.
A part-time job can help youngster gain hands-on experiences and be more mature. They could improve their time management to balance the time to work and studied. When students go outside and doing a job while studying, they have to come out of their sell to learn how to talk to a variety of people from all walks of life, and then become a confidential person in many jobs. This will enhance opportunities for them to apply in any company related to their major. Taking a part-time job means that they will be stronger to resist temptation of life and to fend for themselves. Because, they sometimes have to face with bad people while they work in that place, therefore they must learn the way to protect themselves and to avoid bad consequences.
With the working inclination of the youth, having job while they are still students help them to achieve financial independent and to have duties with the money they earn from their sweat. A part-time work can help them pay for tuition or miscellaneous academic fees and cover their own expenses.They will be a self-reliant person to become more caution about how they spend their hard-earned cash. Moreover, engaging in part-time job not only to build your skills but also to glamorize your CV. It will be helping you stand out as a viable candidate with the understand about teamwork, workplace ethics and company culture.
In conclusion, with the advantages from taking up a part-time work, the youngster will be acquiring experiences and reaping a lot of benefits on the way to success.
may you help me to correct my fault? thanks for your help.
come out of their sell
did you mean come out of their shells?
confidential person
did you mean confident?
confidential letters mean they are secret, can only be opened by someone the letter is addressed to.
with the money they earn from their sweat.
I think this is improper translation of Indonesian terms into English.
you can say: with the money they earned by themselves.
to become more cautions about
to glamorize your CV ?
did you mean to improve your CV?
be careful with the usage and selection of English words, it can be out of context if you choose the wrong words.
with the understand knowledge about teamwork
I think you need to improve on the first and last paragraph. One or two sentences only for a paragraph is too short I think.
Overall, well done. Continue learning.
@fatmajanna
thanks very much for your advances. i will try my best to avoid those errors.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15446 You have to learn how to discern between a single opinion and multi-opinion discussion essay. This is a multi-discussion essay composed of 3 paragraphs that discuss:
- Some people believe it is a good idea for students to work part time to ensure better opportunities in future.
-Others are of the opinion, job during study distracts the individual.
- give your opinion
You are missing 2 out of the 3 discussion paragraph requirements. That means, the essay cannot get a passing score. You have to clearly discuss each public point of view, using public opinions and examples, before you formulate and present your opinion. Based on your current presentation, you focused solely on explaining your personal opinion. That is not how this essay works. Use third person pronouns for the first 2 discussion points before using the first person pronoun when discussing your personal opinion.
In your conclusion, you should add more sentences such as a final comment and don't let it be too short like that and try to avoid language use mistakes ^^
A part-time job can help ... They could improve their time ... --> these sentences seem do not link or support each other. Linking words should be added to make your essay cohesion.
In conclusion part, you should again how your opinion.
