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Gothic story - dont get off the train


smichalo 1 / 1  
Feb 2, 2024   #1
Hiii. So this is the beginning of my story. It is supposed to be gothic. I need help. I dont know how to improve.

The train's rumbling sound. The whistling. The hissing and screeching sound of the brakes. It made me contemplate. My family. My life. I was stepping into the train, slowly, gently, unsurely. What have I done? The train's sounds were heard again. This time louder, louder and louder. Suddenly, silence. No one could be seen. I could just see the dark woods outside. The rain descended from heaven as if it had been delivered to nature by the hands of God. I was trying to focus on nature's voices but all I could seem to hear was the thudding noises of my heart trying to escape from my chest. I stepped my foot out. OH was it guiding me? OH why did I make this decision? OH!

My foot gently touched the wet muddy floor. I walked steadily; hesitantly. The forest lay before me, dark, foreboding. The trees towered above, their branches twisting and gnarled like gasping figers. A thick carpet of leaves muffled my footsteps as I made my way deeper into the woods. In the darkness of the forest, something small appeared. I went closer and closer. First it was a spot, then a square, then a tiny house and now, I was standing in front of a hut, a dark, gloomy, scary hut. I looked back. There was no sign of the train. It made me contemplate. My family. My life. I carefully opened the door. The doors hinges squeaked. I stepped my foot inside. It was all murky. Inside the darkness I saw an infinitesimal dot of light. OH was it guiding me? OH why did I make this decision? OH!

After a moment of stillness, I took the terrible decision to walk into this dark hut. I got in. The door closed behind me. The racing beat of my heart pulsated under my fingertips. The infinitesimal dot of light became a shadow which became a figure... which became a ghost. I tried to run, but something was pulling me back. I looked, and it was the same ghost, only this time it was on my back.

What was I supposed to do? I did what everyone would. I screamed. My scream shattered the stillness. It was as if a thunderstorm had struck the hut. I froze. It made me contemplate. My family. My life. A light lit up. My mouth immediately swung wide open. In front of me I could see people. Not normal people. Dead people. Their pale white skin had now been drenched in crimson blood and ichor.

The ghost looked at me. I looked back. We were staring at each other for quite a long time, until I started muttering. I was trying to say something, but i couldn't find the right words to. Unexpectedly the ghost silenced me. He was uttering. I couldn't quite understand. Slowly, slowly I started understanding. He was saying something about a family, a life about an owner. The moment I heard these words my eyes lit up. He was saying that he killed these people and the owner of this hut because they didn't give time to their family, their life. The only word I was able to say was "I am contemplating". I wasn't even able to finish these words. He strangled me. The last image that I could see was my family, my life. This time though dying. So finally, it was guiding me.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,956 4810  
Feb 7, 2024   #2
A gothic story should engage the senses of the reader from the start. The sense of dread, terror, fear, and uncertainty should be set up in the first scene, regardless of whether it is written text or a scene from a movie. Your work is trying to achieve that but you do not have the experience to pull it off. The best thing that you can do at this point is to read the works of Edgar Allan Poe, the master of goth. Once you have read his work, you will have a better guide or template that would help you develop your own gothic style of writing. You have the potential. The idea is right. It is the execution that is flawed.


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