Government funding for the art is a waste and that money could be better funded in other fields

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere

To what extent do you agree with this view?

It often said that government funding for the art is a waste and that money could be better funded in other fields, I completely disagree with this view and will give my reasons bellow

It is undeniable that arts play a vital role in education as people usually does not have enthusiasm in learning history or global issues which are abstract if they are spoken or written. For example, conveying a concept of a historical event through a work of art will be more impressive and memorable than a typical writing or speech. In addition, obviously, arts encourage young people learning history. For instance, watching a documentary about the influences of climate changes on the Earth would be more exciting approach than a lecture in class. Therefore, I strongly believe that it is worth for government invest in arts

Another good point to invest in art is that it can boost the tourism of the country. For example, arts galleries, exhibition, temple, etc can attract a numerous of tourists all over the world every year generating a considerable revenue in return. Moreover, it creates a number of jobs for local people to reduce unemployment rate. In long road arts not only help to develop national economy but also maintain culture. Thus, arts should be supported equally.

In conclusion, I do believe arts is important aspect in education, culture and economy and support the idea it is worth to fund for art and it should be supported equally

Hello! Your essay is generally formatted correctly, but there are quite a few punctuation and grammar errors that you may need to fix.

For the first sentence, remove "will give my reasons below." The essay would flow better if you rewrote the claim to something like "Although many say that government funding for art is a waste and that money could be better funded in other fields, I disagree." This should be enough to lead the reader into your supporting evidence. Also, replace "arts" when with just "art." Art does not have a plural form with the exception of talking about different mediums, which is not the case here, so just remove the "s."

Besides that, try reading your essay out loud to see if your sentence structures make sense. Some sentences like "Therefore, I strongly believe that it is worth for government invest in arts" is grammatically incorrect (it would be better written as "Therefore, I strongly believe that government investment in art is worthy"). Don't forget to add periods at the end of your sentences.

Hope this helps!

The essay is below the minimum word count. So the format itself is incorrect. You have not satisfied the formatting requirements from the very start of the presentation. Your first paragraph is a run on sentence. The requirement is a 3-5 sentence per paragraph, no run-on or long sentences. That should be divided into 2 sentences with an additional 2 sentences that individually state your discussion subjects. The succeeding reasoning paragraphs should expand on your discussion subjects in individual paragraphs.

You cannot make hyperbolic claims such as "It is undeniable" because there are people with an opposing point of view who will deny such claims. Keep the essay simple, without exaggerations or questionable statements. You failed to properly develop the reasoning behind the example that you gave in the second paragraph. You stated and example then moved on to the next topic you wished to discuss in the same paragraph. This created an under developed paragraph, lacking in supporting statements for each topic / example provided.

The conclusion is less than 40 words and contains the same error as the opening statement. This means that the same word count percentage deductions will be applied several times in this presentation. Always write at least 3 sentences per paragraph to ensure that you will meet the overall minimum word requirement.