IELTS- Should government intervene with individual's family planning rights?

Governments Should Arrange Family Planning Methods

The world's population grow stupendously and has resulted to many negative effects. This has awaken the government to act in mitigating this problem. In my opinion, the government has every right in addressing this problem through family planning. When family planning becomes effective, this will render many benefits to both the government and families.

Developing countries face the problem of burgeoning population. Because of uncontrolled child birth, poor families added more mouths to feed and many needs to meet. Most head of the families are not well compensated and other members of the family are unemployed. This problem results to theft, crime, death from hunger, strife, and illegal prostitution. With these, the government has to assume a staunch role in controlling the root problem which is overpopulation.

If a countries' virtues and religious belief would allow, family planning can be an effective tool in controlling childbirth specially in poor communities. For instance, in the Philippines, many government officials has given funds for family planning campaigns. Moreover, contraceptives and other family planning educational materials are provided in many communities. Because of this access, many parents gain information　about the positive effects of child birth pacing and different birth control methods. Evidently, government's　allotted budget and campaigns for family planning help many families.

Indeed, government has a right to intervene in enriching and empowering the most important sector in the community which is the family. If every family work hand in hand with the government's family planning methods, the government will be able to control the problem of overpopulation.

This is my first time to post an essay in this forum, hope I can get correction feedback.I took my IELTS last august 4 and only got 6.5 in writing, I need to retake to get 7 in all bands . thank you so much.

Same here I got 6.5 and aiming for 7.

I will share the format that I follow for views and solutions.

Introduction
(1-2 sentences) Description of the situation/ problem.
( 1 sentence) An opposing opinion
(1 sentence) your opinion and plan

Body A
- opposing idea / solution (weakest)
- advantages
-disadvantages

Body B
- your view / other possible solution (best)
- advantages
- example

Conclusion

Hope this would help. =)

In my opinion, you should provide the reasons for holding your opinion in your body paras.

So, in your first body para, tell one reason and support it with an example. Second body para should contain the second reason and the supporting example or evidence.

Hope this would help you :)

Thank you so much dumi and clark... these comments are very helpful, I'll practice to write more essays, it's indeed a challenge to get a 7 in writing. May God help us.

False belief and religious traditions are also causes of over population. Also we must omit out blind faith that woman is merely the "environment of the fetus."