After graduation from high school, most students tend to attend colleges or universities

I am new here, I want to get high scores in toefl IBT exam. can you help me correct it?

Why do you think people attend college and university? ( TOEFL IBT)

attending schools is beneficial for life

After graduation from high school, most students tend to attend colleges or universities. There are many reasons for that. I think that three following reasons are the most important.

Firstly, people want to increase their knowledge. Of course, students will receive a good education in the college. They study with good and experienced teachers, their friends when they take classes and courses. They choose many diffrerent subjects to learn. So they perceive more.

Moreover, entering a college can help people improve their necessary skills. When we give a speech in front of people about a topic, we can be more confident, their speaking skills are developed. We can attend volunteer clubs to help another people, improve their teamwork skills.

In addition, one of the most important reasons is learning how to set up goals for life. Every body wants to have a happy and successful life. Living for good and suitable goals makes their dreams come true. Students can learn it step by step by listening to teachers, friends, corporate trainers, speakers, authors, etc. Therefore, students have new approaches to getting life they want.

All in all, more and more people want to attend colleges to benefit their lives

Sorry but this essay doesn't reach the requirement of TOEFL test. The minimum words are 350. If you want to get the high score, your essay should be longer (more than 500 words). TOEFL doesn't similar IELTS. You need to make clear every opinion by example and it ought to ensure your examples are obvious. Please try to use more academic words.

However, I think this essay is good for speaking session.

Doan, the essay that you wrote can garner you a score of 2. The way you discussed the essay is clear and represents a well thought out line of reasoning. However, there is plenty of room for the improvement of your writing skills which can help to gain a passing final score.

You must learn to clearly outline the discussion that you will be presenting in the essay in order to show a strong understanding of the topic for discussion and how you plan to present it to the reader. For example, the opening statement I would have written for this essay would be:

While there is a clear increase in the interest of students to attend college and university, very little is known as to the reasons behind this trend. I believe that there are 3 important reasons that people decide to attend higher studies after high school. These are the reasons that I will be discussing in this essay.

People who have an interest in college and universities...

Students with a keen interest in a specific field...

Finally, college and university studies....

Or you could have numbered the paragraphs by saying; "Firstly", "Secondly", and "Thirdly" as well. Either way of consecutive presentation is acceptable. You can number it or not. There is no right or wrong way of presenting it. What is important to remember is that by presenting a more academically worded paper, the TOEFL test analysis of your work will give the impression that you are a well read and capable of carrying on a discussion, in written and spoken English form.

Now, while others here have a different view of the sentence requirement, the standard 3-5 sentence paragraph development is important in increasing your score. Remember, limiting yourself to two sentences, though well written will not impress the reviewer. However, a well discussed 3-5 sentence paragraph will allow you to better show off your command of the English language. Which is the point of the test. The better you can express yourself in English, in a preset number of sentences and paragraphs, the better your final score will be.

Try to develop your sentences per paragraph in an better manner over your succeeding practice tests. Believe me, you can't go wrong by writing 300 words per essay. 300 words being the more ideal presentation for a better score possibility.