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The graph below shows the amount of waste produced by three companies over a period of 15 years

hongnguyentp92 1 / 5  
Jan 11, 2017   #1
Hello everybody. I am new member. I have started writing Ielts and I hope you can help me correct my report. Which band I can get in this task? Thanks a lot.

This is topic in task 1 ( from ielts-simon): The graph below shows the amount of waste produced by three companies over a period of 15 years.

Waste - the side product in an industry

The line graph illustrates the quantity of waste generated from three companies namely A, B, C from 2000 to 2015.
It is clear that both company A and B trended to reduce producing waste, while the amount of waste from company C nearly tripled over the time shown.

In 2000, company A produced the most waste, at 12 tonnes, followed by waste of company B and C with around 8 tonnes and about 6 tonnes respectively. There was a quick increase in the amount of waste of company B and C, at 10 tonnes and 6 tonnes in 2005. In contrast, the figure for company A went down approximately 11 tonnes.

The period from 2005 to 2015 witnessed a sharp rise in the amount of waste produced by company C, and the figure was highest, with nearly 10 tonnes in 2015. Whereas, company A and B reduced producing waste to about 8 tonnes and 3 tonnes respectively.

  • line graph
ngokhoa99 11 / 58 14  
Jan 11, 2017   #2
Your essay is okay overall. You can use words like "generate" as synonyms for "produce" when it comes to producing waste.

Also, saying "reduced the production of waste" sounds better than "reduced producing waste", I think.
OP hongnguyentp92 1 / 5  
Jan 12, 2017   #3
Thank you for your correction ngokhoa99. Can I use " quantity" instead of " amount". I am not sure about that because I know we can use " quantity" for "number".
ayuriska 7 / 13 1  
Jan 13, 2017   #4
hai @hongnguyentp92

from 2000 to 2015 = for fifteen years
went downat approximately 11 tonnes
and the figure was highest = reached a peak at nearly 10 tonnes, standing as the biggest waste produced among other companies in 2015

perhaps you can add another feature like overtook condition experienced by company C and B in 2010 or company A and C in around 2015

thanks and goodluck
OP hongnguyentp92 1 / 5  
Jan 15, 2017   #5
Thank you ayuriska. I will write more essays and I hope to receive your correction :)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,304 3989  
Feb 2, 2017   #6
Hong, you could have produced a more informative essay if you had discussed the waste production of companies B and C in separate paragraphs first. That way, you focus on the information of the individual company, which is important information to the reader, prior to your comparing their overlapping information. While your essay is informative, it is a bit mechanical in information because you only present the facts as shown in the chart. There is a lack of analysis of the information provided, which could have helped you to create a better informed essay for the reader. You should try to see deeper into the information provided than just what is handed to you in the illustration. There is always additional information to be found when you analyze a chart thoroughly.
OP hongnguyentp92 1 / 5  
Feb 27, 2017   #7
Thankyou Holt. I really appreciate your comment.
bagusetyawan 8 / 27 7  
Feb 27, 2017   #8
I hope my suggestion would be useful.

On the first paragraph, you tried to paraphrase "produce" with "generate" but I think it doesn't collocate, perhaps you can try another paraphrasing method.

On the second paragraph, you mentioned that A had 12 tonnes, B had 8 tonnes, and C had 6 tonnes. Actually the IELTS writing ask you to compare and contrast the data, so my suggestion is, you can try to compare these data (twice, doubled, etc.) instead of mentioning the data one by one. I suggest you change "quick" to other adjective (dramatic, sharp, significant, etc.). Also in the last sentence of 2nd paragraph you tried to compared company A with B & C in 2005, but I'm quite confused with your sentence structure, I assert you consider to change it.

The last one, I think the sharp rise of company C was occurred during 2010-2015 not 2005-2010.

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