the graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one

presented are the two line graphs illustrating the number of shops closed and opened during the period from 2011 to 2018.
As transparent from the graphs, the range in the number of stores in 2 terms experienced an erratic behavior and the figure for closers overwhelmed that of openings almost in the period.

On the one hand, the number of closures witnessed the variation in the whole time. After hitting bottom in 2015 with under 1000, the figure recovered significantly to around 5000 in 2016. The period between 2011 and 2018 experienced a constant trend in the number of closures.

On the other hand, the number of openings also followed the fluctuating trend, but it was more moderate than that of stores closed. It began around 8500 in 2011 and declined sharply to 4000 in 2012. After this decrease, it grew gradually to roughly 6000 in 2014. In the period from 2015 to 2018, this figure remained unchanged and fall slightly to 3000 in the end year of the survey.

Follow the basic rule for English writing. That is, the first word of a sentence is always written with the first letter capitalized. That means you have to write the first letter in upper case, the rest in lower case. Every single time. Writing in lower case makes it appear like you are stating the sentence from the middle, not the beginning.

The summary overview grammar is severely incorrect that the meaning of the paragraph becomes diffocult to follow. The vocabulary is incorrectly chosen and used in the paragraph, resulting in a confusing paragraph summary presentation. Run-on sentence usage created further problems in the information presentation as the reader cannot keep track of the sentence information focus at any given instance.

While the first 2 paragraphs are definitely problematic, the third paragraph is understandable enough.However, the presentation problems of the first 2 paragraphs have already damaged the scoring consideration for the essay, which will receive a failing score.