graduation in canada statistics
The given graph provides information regarding how many university students in Canada graduated and data about whether they were females of males in the period between 1992 and 2007
In summary, the number of graduates had a noticable difference between girls and boys. Throughout the period, males had a tendency to increase broadly in line with females.
A closer look at the line graph reveals that the number of females constituted at approximately 100,000 students, followed by a minimal uplift at somewhere in the region of 105,000 students in 1995. The figure then was witnessed to grow slightly and peak at nearby 140,000 students subsequently in 2007.
Turning to male students, at the beginning of the period, the number of them made up at just above 70,000 students. Next, there was a substantial rise in this figure as it jumped to just under 80,000 students in 1995, prior to taking off from approximately 78,000 students to roughly 100,000 students in 2007.
Well, because you did not provide the graph photo so it's quite hard to compare and give feedback.
I think it's better to say "... in term of genders" rather than "data about whether they are female or male..."
Also, had a noticeable differences
I think you should compare the figure between men and women, whether the male number surpassed the female or not, sth like that.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,562 3753
Please be mindful of your spelling. You have an error in the way you spelled "noticeable" as "noticable" single errors will still result in points deductions for the appropriate scoring section. In this case, a small deduction will be placed in your GRA and LR scores.
While you wrote more than the minimum word count. You did not use the appropriate format to do so. That means, you failed to present complete sentences and paragraphs to the reader. Each paragraph needs 3 sentences minimum, without run on sentences present. Your sentences are mostly confused run-on presentations because you tried to compress information in each sentence, hoping to make more complex sentences in your presentation. It is unfortunate that the opposite happened instead.
By the way, I need to see the image next time. It's the only way to provide you with a proper review with regards to the content of your report.
Turning on to male students could be revised to "With regard to" or "As for".