toefl: Why are groups or organizations important to people?

Topic:
Groups or organizations are an important part of some people's lives. Why are groups or organizations important to people? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

During our life, it is inevitable that we may be related with any groups or organizations; therefore, groups and organizations are an important part of their lives. In my point of view, groups provide a place for people to gain experiences or achieve goals. My reasons include the following:

In the first place, humans are a part of the society, and the society includes a wide variety of groups. Most of all, the groups play an essential role in the process of socialization, from children to adults. We begin taking part in groups or organizations during the early days of life, and especially most people continue their social participation in all through life. By making teamwork, the children in schools may learn to how to get along with others. As university students, it is likely for them to join student organization of their major in order to expand their experiences or communicate with others. After graduating from schools, employees might go to business associations for various business resources and benefits. Thus, almost of us live in the environment of groups.

By participating in an organization, it is a positive way for people to obtain some experiences on a particular purpose. A solid group can be a suited environment, which provides people to improve themselves or broaden their horizons. For example, as a student majoring in mass media, I have taken part in mass media student group for a year. When being in the department of art, I have not only learned how to do a project, but also known some famous artists during the term. Above all, it is advantage which increase an opportunity on my resume for the sake of getting a better job.

Furthermore, groups and organizations would lead people to take action or achieve their goal. Here is an example: there are various charities in the world. Tzu Chi, a non-profit Buddhism organization in Taiwan, is famous for contributing to the social and community services, and medical care. They bring hopes and inspire others with their generous spirit. For accomplishing their missions, the charity should gather people who are volunteers and sponsors for those difficult tasks. As a result, they lit the light for the poor and victims; in addition, they could have chance to help the people in need from all over the world.

For the above reasons and examples, it could be widely thought that groups or organizations are a vital part for us in plenty of aspects in different ages and in different backgrounds.

I'd replace the "my reasons are as follows" with a summary of those reasons instead.

I'd also throw some more concrete examples into the second paragraph. So, give an example of a group that helps children learn to socialize. Don't just give the name of the group, either -- explain specifically what the group does that improves social skills.

For the third paragraph, just add more details to your existing example. You mention that you took part in a mass media group, and that allowed you to learn to work with others and to meet famous artists. You might want to explain how, exactly, working with the group did this. I'd leave off the last sentence, since the point of the paragraph has nothing to do with the benefit of group work as resume builders.

In the third paragraph, you start out by talking about how individuals can achieve their goals through participating in charity, but end by talking about how charities can use individuals to promote their agenda. Focus throughout on how working for a charity can allow an individual to do more social good than he/she could do on his/her own.

During our life, it is inevitable that we may be related with any groups or organizations; therefore, groups and organizations are an important part of our lives.

I don't think the plural of human is correct, is it human or humans?

For example, as a student majoring in mass media who has taken it over a year,

Well, I think your writing is good, it just needs some more practice. It's kind of stiff since the sentences need rearrangement.

Hope it helps,
Angela629