Hi, I try to learn to write the IELTS writing exams. I would like to ask for help to check and give back to my writing. How can I improve my writings? because my goal is to score 7 in this section. Thank you for your help.
Topic:
Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.
Do the advantages of shopping this way overweigh the disadvantages.
Nowadays, the growth of the Internet makes it easier to purchase goods online, from books, tickets to groceries, etc. Even though there are some disadvantages of buying things on the Internet such as scammers, and goods are not strictly controlled by the government, the benefits of purchasing things online are overweighed.
Scammers are one of the biggest problems when buying things online. When you look at online stores, many stores don't have certifications or physical addresses. They can sell things from their basement, their home, and the customers can not know. As a result, they can easily sell low-quality, fake products to the consumers without being caught, and the buyers can not do anything except leave bad comments. The sellers just make another account and the sequences continue. Moreover, the government can not control the sellers strictly. Online markets such as Lazada, and Shopee give the sellers the power to be unknown. They can erase their online footprint, which makes it the government so hard to find out where they are and how they get the goods.
On the other hand, there are many advantages when come to shopping online. The best benefit is convenience. Buyers do not need to go anywhere, they can just stay at home, surf the Internet, and find a store that allows online purchases. For instance, a man from Vietnam can buy a pair of shoes from the USA without leaving his flat. Moreover, the products sold online are usually cheaper. Online shopping makes it easier for the sellers to reach out to the ideal customers so that the prices are usually lower.
From my point of view, the benefits of buying things online are outranked the disadvantages. There are some ways to prevent bad things happen when shopping online such as examining the products before paying, checking the reviews, or only purchasing products from legal stores. It is necessary to add the point that the Internet is growing significantly, and at some points in the future, online shopping will be the main way to buy goods.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Okay, if this is the first essay you have ever written for the Task 2 portion of the test, then I can understand why the writing is confused and does not follow the required discussion parameters for the instructions provided. Kindly remember to time yourself while writing the practice essays. Set the timer to 40 minutes then write. You will find that between brainstorming, outlining, drafting, reviewing, and finally, editing the paper, you will not have time to write 346 words. The ideal is 250-300 words at all times. It is the magic number for the time provided.
The one thing that you did right, although not in perfect English sentences, is the writing of the prompt restatement + writer's opinion. It was on track, provided an insight into the incoming discussion as it relates to the writer's opinion, and clearly represents the upcoming discussion. While the sentence structure and word usage has problems throughout the essay, I have to say that the writer was still able to provide explanations clearly, without confusing the reader.
As for the problems in the writing, the scoring will be limited to that of an under developed essay presentation due to the incorrect discussion format used. Comparison essays are only used when the instruction is " Discuss both views" . It cannot be used anywhere else. For this particular discussion the writing should have focused on representing how disadvantages are actually advantages. The format is:
Sentence 1: Disadvantage subject
Sentence 2: Explain the disadvantage
Sentence 3: Oppose the disadvantage
Sentence 4: Explain why it is an advantage
Sentence 5: Use a relevant example to close the paragraph.
The same format may be used for an "advantage is a disadvantage" discussion as well. This is the format the examiner is looking for. This is the discussion that will be considered a fully developed presentation since there will be 2 paragraphs that discuss the topic in the same format. There will be a cohesive discussion present.
The writer also needs to familiarize himself with the concluding summary presentation. A personal opinion in the final paragraph is considered a non-concluding presentation. The result of which will be failing overall score because the writer did not complete the test with the presentation of a concluding reverse paraphrase.
Is there a chance the examinee can achieve his target score? Definitely. He shows a good grasp of the topic, which I hope will be the same for other topics in the test. By further developing his English sentence structure skills and working on providing the correct discussion format per essay instruction, he can slowly work his way towards meeting his ideal score.
