Having more international sports events (such as the Olympics) is a good way to promote world peace

Having more international sports events (such as the Olympics) is a good way to promote world peace.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

It is widely thought that one way to ensure global peace is to increase the number international sporting events, such as the FIFA world cup or the Olympics. This essay completely agrees with this idea since it can help in releasing the global tensions peacefully and it can be a great method to learn about different cultures.

People can peacefully release their emotions for other countries by the medium of such games. Players from different parts of the world compete in such world championships and their supporters can cheer for them without any restrictions. This also involves interaction among the citizens of two rival countries, who by cheering up their respective athletes can show their negative feelings towards each other with peace. Take example of a cricket match between India and Pakistan. Indians and Pakistanis can represent their own national feelings without violence on the playgroud by simply hooting or clapping.

Apart from that, international sports events provide with an exceptional opportunity to have insights about other countries. It is well-known that when people know about the culture and traditions of any other nation, they tend to respect them as well. Since individuals of different nationalities meet via these events, they can produce a feeling of empathy towards each other by learning various indigenous customs, which makes them more alike. Therefore, it is unlikely that individuals with similar thinking will hate others, promoting peaceful global environment.

To conclude, in my opinion, having more international sports festivals promotes world peace, because it can develop friendship among enemy nations and people can know better about each other at these events.

You have to use first person pronouns in the presentation of your writer's opinion. That is because you are being asked a direct question and therefore, must take ownership and authorship of your point of view. Remember, the essay is not writing itself. You are writing a personal opinion paper and therefore, must reflect that in your writing. Use personal pronoun references throughout the essay to remind the reader of who is speaking and whose opinion is being explained in the paper.

The reasoning paragraphs are good, but the essay requires you to call upon reasoning based on personal opinions, experiences, and insight, all of which are sorely missing from this presentation. You are speaking in general terms which lessens the impact of your personal opinion discussion. Which makes your summary overview a bit off target since you failed to use personal reasons in the discussion paragraphs. The essay will not fail, but you will not get a very high mark either since you missed out on a scoring requirement.