Unanswered [16] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

My hero, Terry Fox born in Canada


thailand 1 / -  
May 18, 2010   #1
First of all, they are an ordinary people, Terry Fox was born in Canada. He was an athlete. When he was teenager, he was a basketball player at Simnon Fraser University. One day, he found his right knee swollen and painful while play basketball. The doctor who checked him, told him had cancer. He was 22 years old while Itthi was born in Thailand. He was a singer. When he was 27 years old, he sang at night club till he met his manger who asked him recorded his album. After that he ached his belly. And then he went to the hospital, the doctor who checked him, told him that he had cancer at last period. He was 49 years old.
talaan - / 3  
May 19, 2010   #2
Is is just a part of the essay? It'll be easier for every one to make some comments if you state the purpose of your essay here
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 20, 2010   #3
It'll be easier for every one to make some comments if you state the purpose

Yes, that is true. It seems that Namon is struggling to improve her/his English, though, so let's help make corrections:

First of all, they are an ordinary people, This does not make sense.

One day, he found his right knee swollen and painful while playing basketball. The doctor who checked him told him that he had cancer. He was 22 years old while (Itthi ???) was born in Thailand. He was a singer. When he was 27 years old, he sang at night club until he met his manger who asked him to record his album. After that he felt an ache in his belly, and then he went to the hospital. The doctor who checked him told him that he had cancer (at last period What does this mean? Does it mean he was in the final stages of cancer and that he was going to die?). He was 49 years old.

I can't wait to see you improve your writing by participating here at EssayForum. :-)


Home / Writing Feedback / My hero, Terry Fox born in Canada