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The high cost on keeping pets. It's a controveversial issue since some people are poor and starving.


alexanjou 1 / -  
May 26, 2015   #1
Hello, the essay below is my IELTS task2. Please give me advice about my vocabularies, grammar or even stance.
I will really appreciate the man who help me. Thx a lot.
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There is a controversial issue about the cost on keeping pets, while some people throughout the world are still starving.
Some people argue that pets, especially dogs and cats, are the important friend s of mankind. For instance, dogs are believed the loyalist animals which would stay with their owner even though they die. That is, pets are our spirit closed friends for many people. Other people who have similar opinion believe that whether pay too much attention or cost too much money is their own business, they do not need to be responsible for men starving in Africa.

On the other hand, people who hold opposite views argue that the amount of food in the Earth is limited. Most people would like to feed some expensive and luxury food, i.e. steaks, to their favor doggy. Before they do this, they should think about those human being who always hungry days and nights in developing countries. As the same species, solving the problem of hungry is the priority for whole mankind. Beside that, some pets would take a very extravagant bath and enjoyable massage services which are offered by pets centres several times a week. Do not you think it is ridiculous? Otherwise, people should pay more attention on more important relations such as family bonds rather than on pets.

As the above reasons, pets are very cute and closed friends for us, however, before solving starving problems, we should limit the cost we paid on pets.
romasalah 3 / 6 2  
May 27, 2015   #2
Hello alexanjou,

I hope that my comment won't annoy you. I think that You have very good vocabulary but u should practice more on where to use your words. the meaning of the phrases is more important than the words used. you have good structure for the paragraphs although u need to add one more paragraph or split on of the first two or just lengthen your introduction and make it a separate paragraph. I made few corrections. I hope this will help you.

There is a controversial issue about the cost on keeping pets

It's better to use either noun as:
there's a controversy about
or if you want to use an adjective dont use There
It's controversial that (you will have to use a complete sentence here)keeping pets is costly

dogs are believed the loyalist animals

I don't think the choice of "loyalist" is a good one as it refers often to loyalty to the government. u may use faithful . Also the loyalist is not a superlative form (I think u wanted to use one) so you should try the most + adjective ( the adjective of "loyalist" is "loyal")

even though they die
even though after they die

pets are our spirit closed friends for many people
spirit's close friends . And u shouldn't use "for many people" after specifying the pronoun "our". U may try For many people, they consider pets their spirits' close friends

Your last sentence in the first paragraph lacks coherence i.e it's some words side by side not a meaningful phrase.

in the Earth
in earth

cost we paid (pay )
alif 12 / 13 2  
May 27, 2015   #3
Otherwise, people should pay more attention on more important relations such as family bonds rather than on pets.
As the above reasons, pets are very cute and closed friends for us, however, before solving starving problems, we should limit the cost we paid on pets.

hallo alex, i have suggestion for you.
- you should give scientific fact about this case,
- you can make your reason completely and add a conclusion.

thank you,
good luck.
thutyedaniel 32 / 38 17  
May 29, 2015   #4
Hi, @alexanjou

Let me give you some suggestion :)

These days, there is a controversial issue about the cost on keeping pets, while some people throughout the world are still starving. SomeSeveral people argue that pets, especially dogs and cats (delete ,) are thean important friends of mankind.

note: put space in your writing
Stacy Handayani 29 / 16 19  
May 29, 2015   #5
Hi Alex, I have some corrections and suggestions on your writing. Hope this helps you :)

Some people argue that pets, especially dogs and cats, are the important friend s of mankind . For instance, dogs are believed the loyalist animals which would stay with their owner even though they die . That is, pets are our spirit closed friends for many people. Other people who have similar opinion believe that whether pay too much attention or cost too much money is their own business, they do not need to be responsible for men starving in Africa.

1. are the 'most' important friends for human [or ommit article 'the']
2. For instance, dogs are believed to be the most loyal animals which would stay with their owner for the rest of their life.
3. It is pets, the ones that many people consider as the closest friend ever.
4. people with the same opinion are liable to pay much attention and spend much money on pets than on people starving in Africa since pets bring companionship in human life.


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