Unanswered [8] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
  

Writing Feedback   Posts: 6

High Education for Arabic Woman is Rare Phenomenon


yurikeyuri 43 / 67 2  
Nov 11, 2016   #1
Education is important aspect toward high standard life for the human. But this statement still rare in Arabic country, especially for the woman. For according from the result of Arabic woman interview, The higher education just for men not for the woman. The woman just to married in younger age to built a family with her husband, then she also manage a utility of family and her kids.

In this research, we tried to interview many arabic woman that backing to education or still staying position to get more high education. They are come from politic activism among university student, teacher, or wife of household. She is telling about the motivation to get higher education still now that is getting independent life and not always on depend to men for their life. She believes that the education can control a better life for her. Finally the higher woman from Arabic countries wants becoming the role model for another Arabic woman mainly and to influence the other women's life in the world.

Source : ted

kiki23 37 / 65 4  
Nov 11, 2016   #2
Hi! I have some feedback for you!

Education is the most important/ an important/ one of the important (you can choose one) aspect...

But this statement still rare ... it will be better if you put the explanation of 'rare', for instance...

This statement is still rarely adopted/ rarely accepted (you can use both) in....

For according from the result of Arabic ... should be

According to the interview with an Arabic woman, the higher education/ the third level education is only taken by men.
ryan31 65 / 98 15  
Nov 11, 2016   #3
hello yuri
it is a good summary
let me give you some advice
ButHowever, this statement still rare in the Arabic country, ...
For according from the result (...) just for men not for the woman . The woman just to marriedmarry in younger age to builtbuild a family with her husband,

They are come from politic activism ...
They have come from politic activism among university student, teacher, or wife of household.

... the motivation to get the higher education still now that is getting an independent life and not always on depend toon men for their life.

... the education can controlmanage a better life for her. Finally, the higher woman (...) wants becomingto become the role model for ...

thanks
keep writing
Hujjatul19 45 / 72 3  
Nov 11, 2016   #4
Hi Yuri, here is some suggestions for you

Education is an important aspect ...
ButNevertheless, this statement is still rare in Arabic country, especially for the woman. For according fromto the result of Arabic woman interview, Tthe higher education is just for men ...

The woman just toonly need to be married in younger age to built a familyrun a family/household with her husband, then she also manage a utility of family and her kids.

In this research, we triedtry to interview many arabicArabicwomanwomen that backing to education ...
They are come from politic activism ...

Best Regards.
RAY93 35 / 198 136  
Nov 13, 2016   #5
(1) But this statement IS still rare in Arabic country, especially for the womEn .
(2)The higher education IS just for men not for the woman [NO VERB AT FIRST].
(3) The woman just to married in younger age (...) she also managES a utility of family ...

THE SAME PROBLEM HERE. ACCURACY PROBLEM, PARTICULARLY SINGULAR/PLURAL ISSUE IN ALMOST WHOLE OF YOUR SENTENCES. NEED TO RECHECK AND REVISE THE REST OF THIS WRITING

.... many arabic woman ....

another distinct issue in your writing is accuracy on structure. THIS CAUSING PROBLEM ON COMPREHENDING THE MEANING OR THE IDEA THAT YOU WANT TO DELIVER THROUGH YOUR WRITING. Need to learn and practice more while pay attention on appropriate structure on writing
alfinkurnia 33 / 49  
Nov 14, 2016   #6
Hello urik, this is my correction for your writting.

Education is an important aspects toward high ...
... The higher education is just for men and not for the woman.

... we tried to interview a lot of arabic woman (...) education or just stay position to get ...
They are come from politics activism among university ...

Thanks


Home / Writing Feedback / High Education for Arabic Woman is Rare Phenomenon