History or Science is more important - What is an essential subject in school?IELTS

This is the first time i have written essay, please give my my band

Science and Technology vs history

What is an essential subject in school is a hotly-debated topic that often divides opinion Many people claim that History is a compulsory subject in education, whereas, in some opinions, Science and Technology is the most crucial one. For me, both subjects are necessary for students so i will illustrate two pros each major.

First, let us take a look at the influences of History for people, especially who are studying at the Academy. History which happened in the past gives us the comprehensive insights of events that we have no possibility to see such as we can have some opportunities to explore the process of growth of people thanks to the historians. Moreover,it is a key for us to broaden our horizons by drawing lessons from history. For instance, before knowing heros' dedications, we can express our deep gratitude to them and look up to their brave.

On the other hand, Science and Technology also important to modern social such as nowadays. In recent years, Computer Science has been really common in high schools or universities as well as required subjects for globalizing. In some famous universities, Artificial Intelligence is the most important major, lots of celebrated apps use it in their process. Moreover, studying this subject gives us a chance to build a better world which has a lot of gadgets to help people.

To sum up, I strongly belief that both History, Science and Technology are essential for people, we should study all and apply it into real life

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The original prompt is:

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

I am afraid that this essay will score a 4. The specific reason as to why this is the score this essay will receive is this, you did not respond to the task criteria at all in the TA section. Since the TA section is 50% of the total score, improperly responding to the prompt question will result in an total failing score. You are being asked to Discuss both views and give an opinion.

For me, both subjects are necessary for students so i will illustrate two pros each major.

Your response clearly shows that you did not understand the instructions nor the question being asked. You created your own discussion topic which is totally unrelated to the original presentation. Hence the TA failing score, which will lead to an overall failing score on your part due to spelling, grammar and conciseness issues in your presentation.You need to have shown reasons for the public support for each side before you gave a personal opinion. You should not have given it at the onset of writing within the paraphrased paragraph.

Now, I am not going to review the other problem points of your essay because that would be pointless. The essay has already failed. Instead, I will ask you to write a new essay based on a new topic. This time, make sure you follow the discussion requirements for the essay. Address the prompt question and directions properly. Make sure you are doing it properly before you post it here. Otherwise, you might receive another failing score.

I strongly urge you to review the sample essays at this forum. The questions for the Task 2 practice tests are always the same. Only the approach to the response changes. So you can learn from the mistakes of others here and apply the suggested corrections to their work on your own work.