Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country while some people think that it is bad.
Discuss both views and state your opinion.
Some people argue that it is beneficial for the country to host an international sports event while others believe this is negative. While organizing this event might bring some disadvantages, I maintain the opinion that this is good for the host nation to develop its tourism and global cooperation.
To commence with, being the host of an international sports event can have some demerits. Firstly, the host nation would have to allocate a large amount of money for the event to refurbish its infrastructure and hire employees. As a result, this could lead to a lack of budget for other emergency problems such as education or health care. Furthermore, the country organizing the event is likely to cope with environmental pollution. This could be explained by the fact that there would be many audiences who litter indiscriminately when coming to watch the live event.
Despite the mentioned disadvantages above, I believe that hosting an international sports event is a good chance for the nation to develop in various aspects. The tourism industry of the host country can witness rapid development because of overseas tourists coming to cheer for their national teams. In addition, this event could help the host country widen its cooperation with global companies around the world. The reason for this is that this event will be broadcasted on the national channels of all the participant countries, which is an incredible chance to advertise and attract investment.
In conclusion, although hosting an international sports event could have adverse impacts on the environment and state budget for urgent problems, I restate that this is a good chance to help the host nation develop its tourism industry and attract global investment
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Avoid opening the prompt restatement with the same phrase as the original presentation. This is to avoid creating the idea that you are writing in a cut and paste format. Something that will lower the accuracy score of your presentation. It will also help the C+C score of your paraphrasing if you use individual sentences for each opinion so as to create a clear separation of public opinion views in your paragraph. The clarity of writing in this section carries heavy point considerations and you want to avoid any deductions, no matter how small, as much as possible. Good job on the formatting of your opinion statement. Extra points will be awarded for the cohesive writing that properly blends the thesis statement into the given opinion. That is what examiners are actually looking for.
The reasoning paragraphs are not properly formatted. There should be a total of 3 reasons presented per paragraph. One each for the supporting, opposing, and personal opinion discussions. Clearly indicating the seperation of opinions by use of proper pronouns is also needed for a proper GRA score consideration. The presentations are confusing in the sense that it appears to all come from the personal opinion of the writer only. This is incorrect and will find the score of the essay being based on an under developed, and under represented discussion presentation.
I suggest replacing the noun phrase "the mentioned disadvantage above" with "the aforementioned disadvantges".
Thank you so much for your help, sorry for replying so late :(