Unanswered [18] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

IELTS Task 1 : Hours of leisure time per year in Someland


tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Feb 27, 2014   #1
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the table below. You should write at least 150 words.

================================================================= ======================================

The table gives the information how people in the different age groups spend their free time per year in Someland. There are seven age group categories which involve in this survey.

Teenagers in Someland spend 1,200 hours a year watching television and elder people in the over 70s group are spending time to watch television 1,100 hours a year which is less 100 hours a year than teenagers. Moreover, the 20s and 60s groups are watching television approximately 700 hours a year and the 50s and 40s groups expends time for watching television from 600 to 500 hours a year. However, the 30s group has the lowest amount to watch television a year.

Teenagers are using 100 hours, while age group 20s uses 75 hours for going to Cinema. For the 30s group is expending time to socializing with 4 or more people and to go cinema in the same amount of hours with 50 hours a year. 25 hours are used by 40s and 50s age group to visit in cinema, whereas the 60s and the over 70s did not do a group exercise.

Interestingly, the 30s age group spends the highest time in socializing with 4 or more people and individual sport activity. Watching television is the favourite activity in the leisure time for all of people.

Overall, all of people use their leisure time for watching television and going to cinema is the rarely activity which do in the free time.




eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Feb 27, 2014   #2
25 hours are used by 40s and 50s age group to visit in cinema, whereas the 60s and the over 70s did not do a group exercise.

This entire sentence should be written in the present tense because it discusses no a limited time.
OP tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Feb 27, 2014   #3
25 hours are used by 40s and 50s age group to visit in cinema, whereas the 60s and the over 70s did not do a group exercise. This entire sentence should be written in the present tense because it discusses no a limited time.

Thanks for your advice eddies. well, I have re-write this sentence.

25 hours are used by 40s and 50s age group to visit in cinema, whereas a group exercise is not done with the 60s and the over 70s age group.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Feb 28, 2014   #4
This is I reveal from internet, "Wherease is a conjunction which is used when making comparisons and saying that something is true of one person, thing, or situation, but it is different for another" .

25 hours are used by 40s and 50s age group to visit in cinema, whereas a group exercise is not done with the 60s and the over 70s age group.

Whereas people aged 40s and 50s go for the 25 long-hour cinema visit, people aged 60s and 70s show no interest in sport.
dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Mar 5, 2014   #5
Overall, all of people use their leisure time for watching television and going to cinema is the rarely activity which do in the free time.

I suggest you to take this line after introduction and present it as the overview (have a look at Pahan's suggestion).
I personally feel this task does not require a conclusion. First, a conclusion is your final judgement or opinion. For the task 2 essay you need to have that because it is based on an argument or issue. However, Task 1 asks expects a report of your observations without analysis or opinions. On the other hand, an "overview" is a simple description of the main points. It is a summary of the information shown in the graph or chart.

Second, a conclusion should be at the end of a piece of writing. An overview or general summary could go either at the end or near the beginning. Personally, I think it's a good idea to describe the main features of the graph or chart near the beginning of your essay.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Hours of leisure time per year in Someland