TOEFL iBT - Saving/Spending money

Dear community,

please help me correct my independent essay for the TOEFL. I struggled a lot with this topic... Many thanks in advance!

Topic:
Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better to save your money for some time in the future? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

My essay:
In recent years the majority of developed countries have a low saving rate because the people opt to spend their earnings immediantly or they even take loans to finance their expenses. But isn't it better to save your money for later investments or rough times? Im my opinion, saving some part of your earnings is essential due to the fact that you can not predict future developments, neither in your professional nor your personal life, futhermore with savings you can fullfill some of your dreams.

First, there are several uncertainties about your professional future. The global economic conditions in these days are tough and there are many unpredictable factors that make it necessary to have some money on your bank account. As example I remember some friends who lost their jobs recently due to the economic crisis in Europe. Some of them had no own savings. They could not affort the rent ,so they had to move back in with their families and they lost their independence.

In addition, you can not be sure about the development in your personal life. It is possible that in the future you have some unavoidable expenses that you could not affort without savings. Back in university I remember a friend of mine who had just little savings and he had to deal with a major repair of his car. He could not affort the mantaince so he had to sell it.

Finally, with savings you can affort some luxurious goods and fullfill your dreams. Working hard and saving money for later on investments is a great way of getting a satisfying feeling and to reward yourself for something you have accomplished. For instance, I made a month-long backpack trip through Southeast Asia last summer with my girlfriend. Without our savings we could not have pursued our long-time dream.

Considering all the above mentioned arguments, from my point of view there is no other choice than saving money for some time.

In recent years, the majority of developed countries have a low saving rate because the people opt to spend their earnings immediately or they even take loans to finance their expenses.are spending more money and even taking credits to finance their expenses. . Due to uncertainty of future, in my opinion it is better to save money rather than spending.

Well, I find this sentence is a bit too longer to be an effective hook.

They could not affortafford the rent ,so they had to move back in with their families to their home countriesand they lost their independence.and faced many hardships in lives.


In addition, you would not have any insecure feelings about your future if you have sufficient savings in your hands.


the right words are "afford" and "maintenance"

ImIn my opinion |


cannot |


afford |


Maintenance |
Overall, I believe you could write. However, I find few simple grammatical errors made.
No worries, take this note below as to how common spelling and grammar mistakes could be easily fixed.
You should utilize the grammar and spell check features of Microsoft Word to correct as many spelling and grammar problems as possible before submitting your essays. You will find this under the Tools menu of Microsoft Word. If something in your document is underlined in red or green, be sure to check the spelling and grammar suggestions prior to submission. Also proofread your essay yourself to locate correctly spelled but misused words.