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Toefl iBT: Staying in one place is better than moving number of places



nyhyto 1 / -  
May 6, 2014   #1
Hi everyone. I'm a new member, and this is the first time I write an essay. Plesease give me some advice, comment. Thanks a lot!

Which do you prefer: staying in one place or moving in search of another place?

Some people may prefer to live in different places at different time because of many reasons such as looking for better job, house, community and so on. I prefer to spend my entire live in one place which is my hometown. In my hometown, I have a lot of friends and good relationships, I love the traffic in here, and the environment is wonderful.

I was born and grew up in here, a small town. In here, I have a lot of friends, and we usually spend free time to play sports like soccer, basketball and of course we have a lot of fun. Every people in my town have known each others, and we have good relationships. If anyone needs help, his neighbor will help as much as possible. Nowhere else can give me some people like in here.

I want to live here because I love the traffic system in here. We have large streets but few cars, so we can move easily to anywhere. Last week, I went to the city center to meet my friends. The traffic in the city was too crowed. I have to wait for an hour to go to my friend house.

I also love the environment in here. I have been gone to some places to travel and stay for a short time, and I realize that the environment in some place isn't clean and fresh like my home town. There were a lot of people so the environment can't be keep clean.

In conclusion, I strongly feel that staying in one place is better than moving number of places. Moving some places can give to you a lot of experiences but living in one place like your hometown can make you feel comfortable about the traffic, people and of course the environment.

Pahan 1 / 1824  
May 7, 2014   #2
I hope you pay attention to the approach dumi suggested. Have the parts of Intro, Body paras and Conclusion. In the body paras, give more prominence to the reason that you use to justify your choice. Also, you need to stay aligned with the prompt. Your prompt asks you -

Which do you prefer: staying in one place or moving in search of another place?

You talk about staying in your own hometown and it indirectly sends the message that you like to stay in one place. But it is better you said it more straight :(


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