IETLS Writing Task2: It is more important to teach the literature and history of their own country

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature and history of their own country, rather than the literature and history of other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

the importance of teaching children history and literature

People may have different views about educating children the history and literature of their own nation rather than that of other countries. In my perspective, I totally agree this argument that children should know more knowledge of their own country from history and literature.

For these two reasons why children should be taught more about the stories based on the history and literature. On the one hand, children can learn the lesson from history and literature which happened to the great person so that children would have a better development. For example,World War II started due to benefits to some nations and caused inevitable damages on human being. Therefore, in order to prevent this situation from repeating, educating children national history and literature to let them know the reason why the war got starting. On the other hand, children can be more familiar with their own country by knowing more stories behind the nation through studying history and literature. Also, it makes children more understand who they are on this planet.

However, what if children only study history and literature of their own country, what will happen? It's believed that children will lose the sense of identity, which will lead to a ruined consequence, causing them escaping from their own country. Besides, children may make the same mistake as the great person of their own country such this problem might interfere children's growing.

In conclusion, it is crucial to teach children the history and literature of their own nation, which would make them more realize themselves.

... children the history and ... rather than that of other countries. .., I totally agree with this argument that because children should....

There are two reasons ... be taught more about the stories that are based on the history and literature. ... literature which is happened to ...

Therefore, In order to prevent ... and literature to will let them know about the reason why the war got is starting occur. ... with their own country by knowing ...

However, what if children only study learn about history and ...

... of their own nation, ...

Notes :
- Try to add more your vocabulary to avoid repetition
- Be careful in some sentences, there are some errors
- Good idea

Sorry if I offend you but some parts in your essay are so confusing that I cannot understand anything. You make a lot of mistakes: using inappropriate words and conjunctions, writing ungrammatical sentences and not developing your ideas.

About the first body paragraph, although your ideas are quite good, your poor choice of words makes it hard to read. For example, this sentence:

On the one hand, children can...

I would rewrite it so it would be a little easier to understand:
On the one hand, history and literature can teach children about the details of many historical events so that they can avoid making the same mistakes as people in the past.

The second body paragraph is difficult to understand. I think the main objective of that paragraph is explaining why we shouldn't only teach children about the history and literature of our own country, but it is underdeveloped. You shouldn't ask questions in an essay. Your topic sentence should be something like " There are many reasons why children should not only study.....". And you should explain your ideas more clearly. I don't understand why only studying history and literature of their own country can lead to loss of identity in children. I suggest in this paragraph, you should write more about the benefits of knowing the world's history and literature.

I think you should learn more about collocations, word usage, and grammar. You can find grammatical mistakes by uploading your essays to websites like Grammarly or Paper Checker.

Good luck. Thank you for spending time reading this advice.