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IETLS task 2: Is it necessary to restict Long working hours in workplace?


Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Apr 26, 2014   #1
People tend to work longer hours nowadays. Working long hours has a negative effect on themselves, their families and the society, so working hours should be restricted. Do you agree or disagree?

In today's context, increasing number of people seems to be workaholic in nature. Though, it helps them to showcase their ability and productivity in their workplace, however, it adversely affecting them in various aspects such as in terms of health, personal relationship with family members and in socialization. In my personal view, I agree with the view that it is significant to restrict number of hours people work these days.

Beyond doubt, people don't want to sacrifices their health, family and friend at any cause, but due to the economic situation and existing competition which left people without any choice other than struggling to survive in their workplace despite the long time work pressure. As a result, people become largely reluctant to pay attention in taking healthy diet, spending time with their family and participating in social activities. For example, a person who is incredibly successful in his career, mostly fail to balance the work life and personal life which ultimately end up in conflicts and breakups with families.

Definitely, government should be made responsible in order to address this alarming issue of long working hours with which people are getting exploited in their life. In addition, imposing strict rules on number of working hours helps people to concentrate on time management, work-life balance and social awareness in a great way. In many countries, for example, Germany, as per the law, managers are not supposed to engage their subordinates in work during odd hours until there is a real critical issue to be address quickly.

In conclusion, I strongly support the view that it is increasingly necessary to regulate the number of working hours by stringent government rules in order to encourage people to have healthy nutrient diet, improved their family life relationships and being considerate to the society.

OP Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Apr 26, 2014   #2
Hi friends, Could someone evaluate my writing ?
Thanks , Arun
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Apr 26, 2014   #3
Though, it helps them to showcase their ability and productivity in their workplace, however, it adversely affecting them in various aspects such as in terms of health, personal relationship with family members and in socialization.

this sentence is too long, in my opinion

also, don't write sentence too long which could make the readers difficult to catch your points
Thomas1948 2 / 3 1  
Apr 26, 2014   #4
In general, I can say it is very good essay. It is well organized and, you used complex sentences with accurate vocabulary.
On the drawbacks, maybe you could say something about the second paragraph in the introduction. There is not much information that outlines that you were going to talk about government measures, and remember, that is one of the functions of the introduction. In addition, I will put some grammatical corrections that I found in some sentences:

"it adversely affecting them" .... this sentence needs the verb "to be"... it is adversely affecting them

"in my personal view, I agree with the view" ... repetition of the word "view"

"people don't want to sacrifices" .... the verb "sacrifice" is in infinitive here so it does not need the "s"

I believe the rest is fine. Very good my friend.
OP Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Apr 28, 2014   #5
Thank you Thomas and Fikri.

Good that you have go through my essay and pointed out my mistakes. I will make sure to avoid such mistakes in my next writing. Thanks again.

Friends, I am expecting few suggestions from you all. :-)

Regards,
Arun
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Apr 28, 2014   #6
Hello pahan,
This is the spesification of task response band 8 based on writing task 2 band description.
1. sufficiently addresses all parts of the task
2. presents a well-developed response to the question with relevant, extended and supported ideas.

in my view, i have to admit that your writing is quite good, but there is only partially "agree". I worry that you will lose your score. If i can give a suggestion, you have to make balance between agree and disagree. You can explain the disagree statements in the first body paragraph and you can give your own view "agree" in the second body paragraph. It's only my personal view, sorry if i get wrong in my advice.
OP Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Apr 28, 2014   #7
Hi TiaDs,
Thanks for your response. I believe we should talk about both agree &disagree (or) positive & negative (or) Advantage & disadvantage if in the question ask us to discuss both views. Here it is an agrument type asking whether we agree or disagree. The same thing applies for " to what extent do you agree"

It will be good if someone who know properly can clarify our doubt. Thanks.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 3, 2014   #8
people seems to be workaholic

people seem to be workaholic - people is a plural word ....e.g. people do / man does

I believe we should talk about both agree &disagree (or) positive & negative (or) Advantage & disadvantage if in the question ask us to discuss both views.

No, you don't have to talk about both sides.... talk about the side you choose - If you agree with the statement, then talk about the reasons to defend your choice. If you don't agree, then defend why you don't agree.... You need to talk about both sides if you choose a moderate stance like " I partially agree with ?????"... It is always easier to choose one side and keep batting ;)
OP Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
May 5, 2014   #9
Thank you Dumi.


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