IETLS Writing Task 2 Some people work for the same organisation all their working life.

working long in the same company

Though there is an opinion that devoting their lifetime working in the same company would be the best idea, others say that other companies would provide them better opportunity. I would say both views have strong arguments and need to be considered carefully.

People feel more calm and relaxing when they go to a familiar place, so working in the same place for years give them the most joys. Otherwise, others tend to be more motivated when they get to work with a new environment, different people and that is the reason why being in the same organisation day by day can not delight them.

Working in a company for a long time would provide deep knowledge of the company culture and work experience so that there are more opportunities for people to be promoted to a higher position. To be adapted to a brand-new working environment is a big challenge for some people so their best choice would be staying in one organisation and dealing with things that they are familiar to.

On the other hand, spending time in one organization will not make people who are challenge dealers satisfied. For these people, they don't want to stay in the box, and the feeling of keeping working in the same company means not willing to accept the challenge and they would like to take a risk to go more, try more. They tend to have broader knowledge and experience, they are dynamic, open-minded and often more creative. Employers would be impress by these characteristics but there is a disadvantage that can not be denied, they are not so reliable. Organisation would like to employ someone that is willing to work with them for a long time but not just two or three months.

In my opinion, you can intern in some different companies and then choose the one that fits you the most to work with. Give yourself more chances to discover what you prefer but don't make others think that you are just having fun.

"... give them the most joys". In this sentence, you should replace "joys" by " sastified"
" the one..." In this sentence, You should replace by " the one that the most suitable for you to work with".

The 4 paragraph discussion format of this essay requires you to present your opinion in the middle and towards the end of the reasoning presentations. The format is:

Sentence 1: Public Opinion
Sentence 2: Reason for the public opinion
Sentence 3: Personal opinion of the public opinion
Sentence 4: Your counter reason explanation
Sentence 5: Additional explanation or example to support your opinion

Your concluding paragraph requires that you wrap up the discussion in that paragraph. You cannot present a personal opinion there because you are to only summarize the discussion by that point. If you want to have a personal opinion as a stand alone paragraph then use the 5 paragraph discussion format:

Par. 1: Paraphrase + Discussion instruction restatement
Par. 2: First public point of view + explanation
Par 3: Second point of view + explanation
Par. 4: Personal opinion + explanation
Par. 5: Concluding summary / recap

Pick one discussion style and use it. Personally, I ask my beginner students to use the 5 paragraph format to help them get used to the writing style first. After about 5 essays using the same instruction, that is when I allow them to use the 4 paragraph format. They are already familiar with personal explanation presentations at that point. The choice is yours.

@Holt
Thank you for instruct me how the format is. I would definitely review my essay and rewrite it following your instruction.