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IELTS TASK 2: work for the same organization all their working life


Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Feb 22, 2015   #1
Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.


One's success determines through rewarding career. For this reason, while the majority of people are more likely to take up office in one organization during their life being spent in workplaces, others argue that working for various job experiences in different organizations in considerable leading to have better life. However, I am personally convinced that there are several benefits for workers who pretty often change their job in different organizations.

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TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Feb 22, 2015   #2
Hi, you addressed the topic well, but you have quite a few errors in your sentence structures and word usage. I tried to stick to your words as closely as I could, but sometimes completely rewriting a couple sentences might have been better. Your content is pretty good, but if this is for the TOEFL, try to use even more detailed examples

. One's success [is often ] determine[d ] through [how] rewarding [ones] career [is]. For this reason, while the majority of people are more likely to take up office [hold a position] in one organization during their [entire working] life being spent in workplaces , others argue that working for [encountering] various job experiences in different organizations in considerable leading to have [plays a considerable role in having a] better life. However, I am personally convinced that there are several benefits for workers who pretty often change their job [pretty often] in different organizations.

The reason why people decide to pursue for a long time to work in a steady job {this sounds wrong - it means it takes a long time to pursue a steady job before you get one} is a tendency to achieve a higher job position [over time, with a corresponding] rise in salaries. For pragmatic {"pragmatic" sounds odd here} instance, a global industry such as "Pizza Hut" {no quotes} allows its employees to be[come] manager[s ]when these employees have already [gained] experienc[e by] to work[ing] in this industry for a great couple {"great couple" does not make sense - do you mean those two years were really wonderful?} of years, and they also will be rewarded [with ]more bonus[es]. To consider so,{this transition is incorrect here} it can be concluded that the long term people [employees'] work guarantees to their job satisfaction.

Conversely, other people[,] especially in the 20-35 age groups[,] are estimated {"estimated" sounds odd here} to gain a switching job[s ] frequently. A research study shows that nearly 75% [of] young entrepreneurs in Indonesia witnessed a wide range of experiences in [their] workplace li[ves] owing to their expectation to enrich their own knowledge by finding out about how government[s ] are operated and managed. {this sentence sounds odd and a little confusing - you can have a wide variety of experiences working for the same company for a long time. Plus it seems like only people who work for the government would learn how governments operate} As a result, shifting [one's] job offers people a chance to get acquainted with a number of diversified-work experiences and broaden[ their] skill[s ].

On the whole, while work[ing] in the same organization[ for an extended time] benefits for many people, I would argue that workers who decide to work in the different organizations enable [are able] to acquire more knowledge and [a ]wide personal perspective when it comes to having conversation[s ] with other people. Therefore, people should bear [this] in mind when they want to decide [where] to work because a whole of [for the most part] their career determines their future success.


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