IETLS WRITING TEST 2: DIFFERENT VIEWS ABOUT THE FUNDING OF CREATIVE ARTIST

money for the art

People have different views about the funding of creative artists. While some people disagree with the idea of governments support for artists. I believe that money for art project should come from both government and other sources.

We need the money come from local council to support for those artists to maintain their daily basis so that they can totally concentrate on their works. For instance, a new musician can not make a song without help from the state. Music always take an integral part of lifestyle. A lot of fans from around the world go crazy for their idols or musicians, they have a profound impact on social network and it is the best way to advertise about country and human-being.A a result more and more people pay attention to these country.

On the other hand, i can easily understand why others sources hesitant to open their pocket because it nearly impossible to recoup their investments. Government have a lot of important concerns a range from infrastructure to healthcare, education,.. These public services is vital for a country to function properly. it hardly enough money left for these art activities. Another reason for this opinion creative artists are still a job and they can sell their art works or songs with a good prices if one were high recommended by community, donation from fan is another income that they should consider.

In conclusion, there are good reasons that artists should rely on the funding from alternative sources, but in my opinion government support is sometimes necessary.

Your approach to the essay is in the wrong format. This is a 5 paragraph essay. Why is it a 5 paragraph essay? Review the original prompt. It indicates that the discussion / body of paragraphs need to represent 3 sections:

- Government should give financial support to artists
- Artists should be funded by alternative sources
- Your opinion based on an analysis of the first 2 opinions.

Hence the essay only partially responds to the task. By not representing the other 2 discussions before your personal opinion, you have created an alternative prompt discussions. This means you did not follow the prompt requirements when it comes to the instructions for discussing the topic. You turned the whole essay into a personal opinion paper because you did not use ownership phrases to represent each opinion being discussed. Ownership phrases include:

Town administrations subsidize artist because...

Patrons of the arts are another alternative source of income for artists. As art sponsors, they believe that...

Being an art lover myself, I tend to lean more towards supporting... because...

Always look at the provided number of discussion topics. After you know how many discussion topics there are, you will automatically know if it is 2 or 3 body paragraph essay presentation.

@Holt
thanks you so much for these helpful advices <3

I am not as good as Holt but I also have some comments about grammar:
In para 2 "hesitant" is an adjective. It should be "hesitate" - a verb; "a range" should be ranging.