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IETS Task 1 : Propotion of Canadian graduates by gender


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Apr 12, 2014   #1
Helow friend... For me, this writing was likely quite challenging. In this work, I wish all of you will give me beneficial advices. Thank you :D

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The graph gives information regarding gender in terms of Canadian graduated student in over a-15 year period from 1992 to 2007.

Overall, even though similar trends occur between males and females graduates, the gap between both figures widened during a period of time.

A series of data revealed that female figure increased slightly from 98 thousand to 103 thousand in 1994. While the trend experienced a decreased to 100 thousand between 1996 and 2000, the figures rocketed to more than two-fifth percent in the end of 2007.

Striking contrast with the female trend, male trend fluctuated steeply by under 80 thousand during the first half period. Appearing 70 thousand students graduated in 1992, climbed to 76 thousand in 1996 and fluctuated around 72 thousand in 2001. Since the fluctuation trend of males, it has risen substantially to more than 90 thousand male scholars past their education in Canada.

Interestingly, a more likely to be a combination of gender choose to study in Canada, the data depicts that female students are stance higher than that of male students.





MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Apr 12, 2014   #2
The graph gives information regarding gender in terms of Canadian graduated studentin over a-15 year period from 1992 to 2007.

The chart compares the number of graduates of both genders in Canada over a 15-year period.

Overall, even though similar trends occur occurred between males and females graduates, the gap between both figures widened during a period of time.

You could clarify what similar trends and the gap are.
Overall, there was an increase in graduate student numbers of both men and women. Also, the number of female graduates was significantly higher that that of male counterparts during the period.

experienced a decreased

toby more than two-fifth percent inat the end of 2007

Striking contrast with the female trend

This is not aligned with your overview, where you stated that both genders saw a similar trend.

male trend

You could use "the number of male graduates" instead of repeating the word "trend".

fluctuated steeply by under 80 thousand during the first half period

I don't think there was a wild fluctuation according to the chart. I think male graduate numbers hovered around 75000 during the first half of the period.

fluctuated around 72 thousand in 2001

Again, I think it remained stable instead of fluctuating.

has risenrose substantially

male scholars past their education

male graduate students

a more likely to be a combination of gender choose to study in Canada

I don't think it is a unique feature either of the chart or in Canada in general.
JasS 10 / 30  
Apr 12, 2014   #3
from 98 thousand in 1992 to 103 thousand in 1994.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,197 460  
Apr 12, 2014   #4
even though similar trends occur between males and females graduates, the gap between both figures widened during a period of time.

I feel you have a problem with tense use here.
Possible solution: Change the verbs into the same tense.

Interestingly, a more likely to be a combination of gender choose to study in Canada, the data depicts that female students are stance higher than that of male students.

This is a situation showing the main ideas. Hence, it is the part of an overview.

Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Apr 12, 2014   #5
Hi, MisterWandering
I always happy when you come to correct my writing.

Striking contrast with the female trend,

This is not aligned with your overview, where you stated that both genders saw a similar trend.

... :(
I want to say that even though male and female have similarity, the number is different. So I use this expression to help reader notice that in the second body I want to mention the male trend. In my mind, this is an effort to make my paragraph coherence but I think I failed to deliver it with well.

HI, JasS

from 98 thousand in 1992 to 103 thousand in 1994

Yap, you are right. I forget to mention the year.


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