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WRITING TASK 1 - number of graduates of different gender in Canada

shinxg 4 / 7 4  
Feb 16, 2020   #1

university graduates, canada, 1992-2007

The number of students who graduate each year in Canada from 1992 to 2007 is shown in the diagram below.

Overall, there were more and more graduates every year. However, there were more female students than male graduates during this time.

From 1992 to 2001, the number of female graduates fluctuated around 100,000. There was also fluctuation in the number of male graduates during this time, which is around 70,000. Both female and male graduates are becoming more between 2001 to 2007. The number of female graduates increased from about 105,000 to about 150,000. And the number of male graduates rose from around 70,000 to around 95,000.

Between 1992 and 2001, female graduates outnumbered male graduates by about 300,000. Moreover, starting in 2001, the gap between the two genders was becoming larger and larger and ended up to more than 400,000 in 2007.

One task at one time

Nguyet Tran 4 / 8 1  
Feb 16, 2020   #2
Ielts Task 1:

As this data is in the past, you should use past tense consecutively.
You should stated the unit measured in the writing.
Use more synonyms instead of male and female only.
I can see the repeat "more" many times in your writing, it would be better if you can use variety of comparisons.

Thank you.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,948 3858  
Feb 16, 2020   #3
You should learn to identify the different types of illustrations used in a Task 1 essay so that you can properly identify the type of image provided. This is not just a diagram. This is a line graph with fluctuating measures. The rest of your errors in the essay will not matter though. You failed to write the minimum 150 word requirement. You only wrote 143 words. Which means points deductions will be made for the lacking word presentation. That means your errors will all add up to produce a less than 5 band score for your essay. This is not a passing essay due to lack of proper analysis development. You should have done 3 paragraphs in this essay that covered the following:

- Summary overview with trending statement
- Comparison of male graduates over the years
- Comparison of female graduates over the years

Do not automatically assume that you have to do a comparison discussion in the paragraphs. Sometimes, as in this case, simply stating the facts and doing comparisons based on groupings tends to be the best and most comprehensive essay presentation. You should only do comparison data presentations when there are cross-over points in the data indicated.
Nguyet Tran 4 / 8 1  
Feb 20, 2020   #4
"Tree years later" --> I think you missed the typing, it should be "three years later"
And again, you used "more and more" in the 2nd and last paragraphs. Many sentences started with "there were...", "the number of...".
Recommend: the amount of, the figures, the statistic, ....

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