IGCSE ; Comparitive Essay ( Big Supermarket Vs Local Shops)

I am appearing for English as a second language course in IGCSE this October.
The purpose of the writing is :

A big international supermarket chain is planning to build a new store not far from where you
live. Write an article for the local newspaper giving your opinion of the plan
Big Supermarket Vs Local Shops

The recent way of living always demands for convenient to make our lifestyle much easier. As a result, the government has set up a great and large

supermarket just few meters away from our neighborhood. However, the real question is, how would this International Business affect the local shops
located inside the neighborhood?

In ancient days, shopping was scheduled on weekly basis that made some time restrictions for people. However, with a 24/7 operating supermarket, some people
began to buy their groceries at midnight i order to save time. In addition, you can find variety of brands for a single product, this brings up a range of choices for customers

with different desires. Besides, you always find that the products prices are often competitive which leads to more attraction of customers shopping for their needs in one

place rather than roaming around the local shops in the town looking for each good you want to buy.

Despite the great service offered by supermarkets for an individual customer, local shop keepers will become negatively affected. they will tend to increase the price of their

products due to the decrease of the customers coming to their shops. As a result, the economical situation of them will drop down in which they end up closing their shops down.

Moreover, the supermarket lacks personal attention, you don't find a friendly staff who know you and your grocery choices just like in a local shop. And although a big supermarket posses

a large premise, the crowds and traffic congestion will make the area very noisy and this could lead to a shortage of parking spaces which will make it difficult for customers to go to the supermarket.

In conclusion, big supermarkets are integral part of modern-life. However, local shops will always be valued as an appreciated asset in a neighborhood. They represent the atmosphere

and the energy of a neighborhood. And since not all your fingers are same, people are divided between being a supermarket shopper or local shop shopper.

Okay, this does not contain the sound of an article. Rather, it sounds like a research paper from the introduction until the middle of the paper. You failed to state your opinion on the matter and discuss the reasons why you are of that opinion. I suggest that you rewrite the paper delving mostly on your point of view regarding the upcoming supermarket chain. Talk about why you think its opening will be good and bad for your community. It would help to talk about the benefits of the local shops in comparison to the big chain. Perhaps discuss how the local economy will either benefit or not benefit from the opening of the big supermarket. For example, will the local farms and producers be affected by the big supermarket? Always make sure to use pronouns that will make it clear that you are stating your opinion on the matter.

Revise your introduction to reflect the public opinion on the matter then introduce your own opinion at the end. Your second paragraph should then focus on the positive aspect of the supermarket chain based upon public opinion. Then the third paragraph should be your personal opinion on the matter. Conclude the article with a reiteration of why you believe in the opinion that you have.

An opinion article is very different from a research paper. This version of your paper is more of a research than opinion article. I strongly suggest you rewrite it using the guides I offered you above :-) I truly hope it helps you out.

Okay I rewrote it again . I believe I failed to classify the essay into an argumentative essay more than a comparative. :) By the way I forgot to say that the word limit is about 200 words.

Planned by the government, a big international supermarket is going to be built just few meters away from our neighborhood.
Some people are an advocate of the project.While the other party are concerned about the fate of the current local shops located
in the region. I believe that the new supermarket will bring up positive results economically and socially.

By means of an International store, this resorts that more than one brand for a single products are being introduced to the
customer, therefore, the prices will be competitive . This will make the community to feel more satisfied when shopping for
their needs in one place rather than roaming all the distant local stores.However, the second party suggests to stick to the
local shops. They claim that building a big store will bring more traffic congestion and will lead noise in the area.

I personally think the new store will open the opportunity for people who are looking for jobs. As a result, this will raise the
capital asset. In addition to that, I believe it's more appealing to find special offers and seasonal sales in a big store and
eventually this will attract more customers.

At last, being a supporter of the first party, I expect that by the coming years our
neighborhood will guarantee a good rank in case of economical stability.

This version is most certainly much improved over the first one. It now reflects all sides of the argument and carries logical reasoning in every paragraph. Due to the word limit, I know that you cannot expand the discussion further so please allow me to correct some grammar points for you just to polish the paper :-). Here is what I found:


- the other parties ...


- As an international store, the big supermarket will bring more product brands to the shelves for introduction to the consumers. This will result in competitive prices.


- The local community will feel more satisfied when shopping for their needs because they no longer have to go to different stores for different products


... there are claims that the ease of shopping will also result in more traffic congestion and noise pollution in the area.


- income of the state through taxes .


- Being a strong supporter of the supermarket chain opening, I am of the opinion that our community stands to greatly benefit from the existence of the supermarket over the coming years and it will bring economic stability to our little town as well.

Piece the essay together with my corrections I believe you will like the new flow of thought that was created in support of your argument.