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IELTS-Is it important to allocate part of school resources for & music education ?



Atalla 2 / 5  
Jan 20, 2013   #1
Some people believe it is important to allocate part of school resources for art and music education even if this means spending less money and time on academics.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of devoting a portion of the school day and school funds to art and music education.

Education in its general sense is a form of learning in which knowledge, skills, and habits are transferred from one generation to the other. There is a debate on the various aspects of education in which school resources should be allocated. Some believe that it is unwise to consume school resources on art and music, while others think that they are not less significant than academic education. Each party has its own justification.

Those who support the allocation of part of school funds on art and music, are confident that these will help build up the new generation's personalities. They strengthen their spirits, improves motivation, concentration, and clear their minds with the result of more efficient performance and outcome in their academic classes. Art is a crucial element in the history of all civilizations. Although art does not solve problems, it makes us aware of their existence. Music can connect people more deeply to the world and open them to new ways of seeing.

On the other hand, some believe that deducting from school resources and spending on art and music education is a waste of money. Also, they consider devoting a portion of the school day to these activities will be a waste of money. They evaluate the outcome of the educational process by the final grades their children get in pure academic subjects. In addition, they are afraid of the negative impact some kinds of modern music have on their children. Also, they are convinced that both art and music are extracurricular activities that should be optionally provided outside the school time.

In my opinion, I consider art and music education essential elements in bringing up a healthy, sensational, well organized, and at the same time highly educated generation. Instead of trying to ban resources and time spend at school on these subjects, we should figure out ways to raise school funds.

monaph 2 / 6  
Jan 21, 2013   #2
There is a debate on the various aspects of education in which school resources should be allocated.

There is a debate on the various aspects of education into which school resources should be allocated.

nstead of trying to ban resources and time spend at school on these subjects, we should figure out ways to raise school funds.

Instead of trying to ban resources and time spendspent at school on these subjects, we should figure out ways to raise school funds.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jan 21, 2013   #3
Education in its general sense is a form of learning in which knowledge, skills, and habits are transferred from one generation to the other.

... Impressive opening :)

There is a debate on the various aspects of education in which school resources should be allocated.

... the debate is not on the various aspects, but in what proportions the resources need to be allocated. So, you need to re-organize this sentence;

There is a debate as to how school resources should be allocated for diffrent aspects of education.
OP Atalla 2 / 5  
Jan 21, 2013   #4
I appreciate your valuable comments
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Jan 21, 2013   #5
I like the beginning of your essay. It catches the reader's eye well. :)

There is not much wrong with your essay. The few faults I found have been corrected by others. I think your conclusion is very good. You haven't out weighed any side. Overall I think you have done a good job. :)
joythblessy 86 / 266  
Jan 21, 2013   #6
Hai sahar..

Overall good attempt. I like your essay especially, introduction and conclusion.

One small correction..

...confident that these will help TO build up...

Be careful about short messages..
Like thank you..).
It will count as meaningless messages.
which are the short cuts towards suspention...).
If you like the correction just click the like button...

Tessy.


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