the impact of music
Music plays an indispensable part in many aspects of people's lives. While many point out that helping people relieve stress is the most crucial role of music, I disagree with this idea because I believe that music has other equally important functions including driving people's productivity and support musicians to convey their emotions or messages.
On the one hand, I believe that one of music's undeniably outstanding missions is being a measure for people's pressures and mental strains. Firstly, from a scientific perspective, healing music with slow rhythms can curb the production of cortisol - the stress hormone, and enhance the dopamine generation cycle - the hormone stimulating our brains to receive positive emotions. In reality, in the past few years, the emerge of million-stream "healing" or "chilling" playlists with a wide range of Jazz songs, piano cover audios, or classical tracks on streaming platforms like Youtube, Spotify, and Souncloud has become a prominent trend. The huge number of streams as well as the increasingly monthly listeners quantity ascertain the role of music as a tool of relaxing. Moreover, to musicians, singers or other individuals working in the music industry, music may be like a magical remedy for stresses, or even mental illnesses. Many renowned artists like Billie Janet Jackson, Halsey, Eilish, etc. publicly disclosed how they struggled wth mental health issues and how music became a supplement type in their treatment process of emotional breakdowns.
However, music can bring other irrefutable benefits to mankind: to boost working or studying productivity and to unveil implicit feelings and messages. First, when listening to music, people can enhance their deep concentration level and cognitive capacity - two fundamental factors for individuals working in fields requiring the utter vigilance and logical thingking such as programmers, software engineers or scientific researchers. Another key benefit of music is its ability to dedicately express songwriters' thoughts, emotions, and messages, which other tools' such as stories, poems, or speeches may not be as effective as. Thanks to lyrics, beats and melodies, a sad love stragedy, a desire to seize the freedom or a pride in hometown landscapes can be described vividly. Therefore, musicians can find sympathy from their audience, bring positive energy into life or awake listeners' hidden compassions and passions. Michael Jackson - a king of pop sucessfully provoked people's sense of responsibilty for our Earth through classical songs like 'Heal the world', 'We are the world', 'Earth song', etc.
In conclusion, I disagree with the view that the most significant role of music is supporting people in relieving stress, because I believe that productive capacity intensifying and affections communicating are music's other equally important functions.
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When asked to write an extent response, do your best to actually quantify your response with a type of emotional measurement. Do not use a basic dis/agree response because that in an incomplete response and will only be partially scored. Indicate a reference to a full, strong, or partial measurement to your dis/agreement to create a properly formatted openmon that will receive full scoring credits. That said, I have to commend the well written discussion short form. It shows the direction the reasoning paragraphs will be taking.
Since the instruction does not include a comparison reference, you do not need to justify the opposing side. The examiner will base the C + C score of the essay on how well you defend your opinion using one or 2 reasons. The current explanation set up will be considered lacking in writer reasoning development. The opposing paragraph will not be considered in the scoring process. It will lower the C + C score.
There are also punctuation lesage problems here. An apostrophe is not always needed when representing the plural form ofa word. Please familiarize yourself with punctuation usage rules overall to prevent future GRA deductions. Comma usage, run-on sentences (specially in the conclusion) , and other grammar problems also abound. This should be a major concern for you since this is a major scoring section in the test.
I am also studying for the IELTS, and I can hardly imagine a candidate who can write a 440 word essay in 40 minutes and give such a professional explanation (the type of explanation I can only see in research reports). I might not even spell 'cortisol' correctly in the real exam. In fact, the IELTS writing test does not measure your professional knowledge, it is an English language level test. You just need to have reasonable logic to justify your opinion, accurate data or relevant scientific research are not necessary.
And there are a lot of grammatical mistakes in your paper. Although IELTS is allowed to make some grammatical errors, too many grammatical errors, especially low-level errors, will make your GRA (Grammatical Range and Accuracy) score very low.
The most frequent ones to watch out for are misspelling, redundancy or confusion in articles, and errors in the use of parts of speech.
Here are some examples of incorrect use of parts of speech. I hope you can understand.
1. In the last sentence of paragraph 1, 'support' should use its gerund form, 'supporting'.
2. In the second paragraph, you should use the adjective 'increasing' to describe noun phrases, not the adverb 'increasingly'
At the same time, the spelling mistakes are also very noteworthy.
In your paper, spell 'with' as' wth 'in the last sentence of the second paragraph. In the second sentence of the third paragraph, 'thinking' is spelled 'thingking'. In the fourth sentence of the third paragraph, if I understand correctly, you mean 'a sad love tragedy'. You wrote 'a sad love stragedy'. In the last sentence of paragraph 3, you spelled 'successfully' instead of 'sucessfully' and 'responsibility' instead of 'responsibilty'.
Although some of these mistakes will not affect reading, they will lower your IELTS writing score.
And compassion is an uncountable noun, it has no even form.
I hope my reply can help you prepare for IELTS writing. Good luck!