TOEFL:It is important for students to participate in school's leisure activities？

Every parent is generally most concerned about the development of their children so that parents almost instinctively devote themselves to cultivating their offspring.In addition to aspiring students'academic pursuits,participating in their school's extracurricular activities are usually on the must-learn list of the parents.From my perspectives.I agree that students should go in for school's extracurricular activities

In a sense,it's more diverse and thoughtful for students to participate school's extracurricular activities.For example,when one studies art and music,one is exposed to many difficult cultures and points of view.It allows the audience to perceive the world through an individual set of eyes.They teach us how to spark interest in other cultures and diverse ways of life to promote understanding and tolerance of others.Therefore,it's also a porthole to peer into areas of many cultures,including one's own,that one would not readily have access to.They are essential to our spiritual life.

Furthermore,it's suitable for students to participate extracurricular activities when they are free.Students absorb things quickly and bear exact the ability needed in extracurricular activities.Extracurricular activities are not like academic projects which has more strict rules.They are generally abstract,requiring creativity and ideality to be enriched.Students are privileged to have these abilities because they are given more freedom and their fancy has not yet been killed due to academic circumstances.Students of today's modern world have similar issues with life and extracurricular activities bring out students' joy of flying in fancy.

Extracurricular activities actually enhance academic study without doubt.Such activities have also brought some astonished consequences,the most beneficial merit of leisure activities is that we cannot merely develop areas of brain but even get higher grades to promote their academic careers.As is often the case,a complex academic pursuit is not waiting for us right there and then.Sometimes it comes out of inspirations discussed with other students in depth after finishing the extracurricular activities so that students make more positive attitudes toward school.

Taking into account all these factors,we may safely draw the conclusion that it is crucial for students to participate in their school's leisure activities.

Hi
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... cultivation what? good values? good morals? .... you need to speicify


...no full stop
I believe that students should engage in extracurricular activities in school that help them develop their personality.


... this is not a reason... you need to state the reason. We know it's important. Tell why it's important!

Thanks for your reply!Now.I have some quick questions about me essay:
1"Every parent is generally most concerned about the development of their children so that parents almost instinctively devote themselves to cultivating their offspring"I want to revise this sentence"...devote themselves to cultivating their offspring who enrich konwledge sufficiently."

2"In a sense,it's more diverse and thoughtful for students to participate school's extracurricular activities"I don't know how to revise this paragraph.Please help me alter this stage,thank you.

I will look forward to your reply.I appreciate your help!

I agree that students should go in for school's extracurricular activities>>> How do students go ? here>>>> I support that students should take part in school's recreational activities/ school's extracurricular activities

Thanks for your making corrections in my essay

"... this is not a reason... you need to state the reason. "(dumi) He deem that it is not sufficient reanson to argue my key point,but I don't konw how to give a detailed examle to support me point.Please help for me.Do I commend you for your reply!

I will appreciate your reply!

Engaging oneself in extracurricular activities at school paves way for opportunities to broaden one's knowledge. An illustration of this is seen in students involving themselves in activities such as arts and music, doing these teaches them more about different cultures and perspectives

hope this helps...

Thanks for your reply!