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IELTS: Increased life expectancy has many implications on society and individual


Hi Experts,

Can you please review this essay for me?

What are the possible effects of living long on an individual and on the whole society? Give some examples for and against according to your knowledge.

With the significant progress of medical science, people are now able to live longer than they used to be. However, increased life expectancy has many implications for aging individuals and for society as a whole. This essay will look at both the benefits and drawbacks of living long.

On one hand, the benefits an individual get through long lifespan are obvious. To begin with, these people are able to accomplish far more in a lifetime than others in human evolution. They can contribute to their work for longer days, creating more assets for their families and adding values to the society. For instance, professionals like doctors become more skilled with the experiences they gain and apart from their own families, society also gets benefited if they can serve for the longer time. Besides this, a long lived individual gets opportunity to see the family tree grow and can take care of future generations. Thus, it is clear that higher life expectancy has several positive facets towards aging individuals and society.

On the other hand, aging issue has some negative influences as well. Firstly, as long as senior citizens occupy current jobs, the younger cannot join them, thereby causing a tide of unemployment which may be harmful for the stability of society. Secondly, aging group propose a serious challenge for social welfare and security. As an example, the government has to spend more money on pension craft to raise the older people and this money is collected from the younger society in the form of tax. This shows how aged people sometimes become a burden.

Based on the arguments from various factors above, it is obvious that aging tide is inevitable and people should act on how to maximize the advantages of long life while eliminating the disadvantages.

Jun 4, 2014   #2
They can contribute to their work for longer days, creating more assets for their families and adding more values to the society.

For instance, professionals like doctors become more skilled with the experiences they gain over time and apart from their own families, the society also gets benefited if they can serve for the longer time.

On the other hand, aging issue has some negative influences as well. Firstly, as long as senior citizens occupy current jobs, the younger cannot join them, thereby causing a tide of unemployment which may be harmful for the stability of societysocial stability .

- Are you pretty sure about this fact? I mean, senior citizens will have to retire when they reach certain ages, right? If they are still in the position, maybe they are still of some value right?

As an example, the government has to spend more money on pension craft to raise the older people and this money is collected from the younger society in the form of tax.

Besides from these minor mistakes, I think your essay is great! As for me I really love reading such essays with clear, well organized ideas, plentiful structures and adequate vocabulary. Keep up the good job :)
Besides this, a long lived individual gets opportunity to see the family tree grow and can take care of future generations.

which one do you choose?
beside this, . . . . .
or besides, . . . . .
Jun 30, 2014   #4
With the significant progress of medical science, people are now able to live longer than they used to be.

Very good start :)
However, increased life expectancy has many implications for aging individuals and for society as a whole.at large.

This essay will look at both the benefits and drawbacks of living long.

This is not really required to mention. I think it does not contribute any value addition to your essay and instead it tends to disturb your flow. You write very well - good grammar, vocabulary etc. :)


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