TOEFL Independent writing: Advertising makes people buy things that they don't need.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:

Advertising makes people buy things that they don't need.

Advertisement appears everywhere in this day and age, from billboard, to flyers and to TV commercials. Also, advertising plays a significant role in corporate success. I believe that these advertisements encourage people to buy things that they don't actually need.

I hold the belief for two major reasons. First, a successful advertising is able to make products become both well-preformed and cost-effective than they really are. Customers who are not interested in the product originally are likely to be attracted by the advertisement and finally decide to by it. For instance, how many times do you believe the medicine on the advertisement is a cure-all? How many times does a hamburger on the menu increase your appetite? However, when the product comes into your hands, you realize that it is not the thing you want. The medicine is not that magical and the hamburger is unsavory. It is reasonable as proper light and beautiful decoration make the food appeals to be more delicious and some products only function well in certain case --- the case shown in the advertisement. Second, in order to earn more profits, encouraging customers to buy thing they don't need is what a company aims to do, and companies achieve the goal mainly by advertising. This point can be illustrated by the example of Bruce Barton, known as Ad Man, have successfully set up one of the major creative advertising firms operating in the United States by selling a mass of products to all kinds of customers, including the one who don't need them.

Some may argue that technology revolution has opened up the information highway to everyone. Customers can easily compare products online and make sensible decision. However, advanced technology also enables companies to send more customized advertisement that is in line with buyers' interest, which helps companies to sell more products to those who don't need them.

It is safe to conclude that advertising encourage people buy things that they don't need. Further, it is essential for us to compare different products and make a sensible choice before buying things.

You don't need to justify your number of reasons, nor list it in the essay. You have to simply start off with a strong hook in every paragraph. You do that by creating an interesting topic sentence at the start. The first 2 sentences of your first explanatory paragraph are considered word fillers. These will not help to increase your score on the basis of direct reasoning. If you open with a reason, then proceed with the explanation, then you show that you have a strong control of your English sentence development abilities. Thus adding to your points in the scoring criteria.

Do not offer questions in the response presentation. It throws you off the topic for discussion. Frame the question as a part of your response instead. That way the reasoning becomes stronger and your discussion, better supported. For the second, separate reason, present it in a new paragraph. Do not include it in the original presentation. For clarity purposes, each reason needs its own fully developed paragraph. The essay will tend to be cluttered if you try to combine two reasons in one paragraph. It becomes difficult to read.

The current second paragraph feels like a throw away. It does not feel like it is connected with the previous discussion paragraphs. You don't need to include that kind of little developed presentation in the essay. You should always make sure that your paragraph discussions are inter-related or somehow connected with one another in he presentation. The last 2 paragraphs do not accomplish that very well. You could have used just the first 2 reasoning paragraphs for this essay and closed on a somewhat high score.

Thanks a lot for your feedback. I really appreciate it!!