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Information in a specific sector should be shared freely or not

Hi.. Could you check my essay and give your prediction about band score? Thanks in advance.

Here is the topic :
some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

scientific information control

Here is my essay :

Scientific research, business and the academic world had been changing in the past decades. There some information had been discovered which gives a huge impact to development. Some people believe that is very importantto share as much information, in other hand some people believe that there are some information which classified and do not need to share. I strongly believe that the information should not be shared freely.

The information in scientific research, business or the academic world is very important. These informations perhaps for some people is a dangerous or if these informations shared that will gives a wrong speculate among people. I believe these can be reduced with spesific laws which can control in distribution. The government it self, should select the information which will be shared carefully, because it will be a catastrophe if the government gives a wrong informations. For example, in my country the government announce about the new energy which can be used as a safer energy called nuclear. Whereas, these informations become a pro and contra in society. The people who does not have clear information about that become paranoid and get scared easily.

In other hand, I do believe gives as much information as possible also a great action to support and increase a quality of people's life. also, The easier people gets the information become a factor to measure about the quality of nation. for example, Europe as a develop country which each people can get all the information easily, the government provides the access of the information in every corner of the street, so people in rural area also can search information for develop their land. This sample do not happens in my country which a developing country, people in this situation always have a limited solution for their problem because of the access of the information.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that should be a law or new regulation to control shared information about scientific issue, business and the academic world. The information which shared should give not only a new information but also safe feeling for everybody.

Dec 4, 2017   #2
bism, your essay does not follow the appropriate discussion instruction. You were asked to discuss both points of view and offer your opinion. You chose to discuss an emotional, one sided essay instead. Therefore, this essay will get a Task Accuracy score of 2 because you barely responded to the task indicated. When you score so low in the TA score, it will be extremely difficult for you to pull up your score for the remaining considerations because you did not properly discuss the essay. You must ensure that you properly understand the prompt requirements before you even draft an outline for your essay. I realize that the various formats can be confusing for you so I will try to help make it easier. Read the sample essays provided here based on various prompt instructions. From there, you should be able to create a method of understanding the prompt instructions for yourself. Take note of how you can differentiate the prompts and then use that to decide how to approach the practice essays. I will not even score the rest of your essay at this point because the score will definitely be disappointing for you and as such, might affect your desire to practice. I want you to keep practicing as best as you can. Before I go, let me show you the correct prompt paraphrase for this essay.

Members of the academic, scientific, and business world are of the opinion that it is important to impart knowledge to others. Then there are those who believe that sensitive information should not disseminated from one source to another because data is too important to just spread without a check and balance system. They believe that these knowledge not be commonly shared. This essay will discuss these two points of view then after, I shall present my opinion on the matter.

The correct format is:
Opinion A, supporting statements, examples, transition sentence
Opinion B, supporting statement, examples. transition sentence
Personal opinion, supporting statement, examples, transition sentece
Concluding statement, restated points in summary form, repeat of personal opinion.

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