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IELTS 2 People's opinions differ as to whether or not an information should be shared freely.

nanajohn 1 / -  
Feb 1, 2018   #1

Information Should Be Shared Freely Or Not

People's opinions differ as to whether or not information should be shared freely. While there are some strong arguments against free information, I still believe that it is a necessary aspect in the world.

There are some reasons why people might argue that some information needs to pay money if people use it. Firstly, researchers spend long time and a lot of money figuring out the correct answers. Information for them is valuable so they can ask the charge if someone wants to use it. Secondly, some information is an important role for some companies. It can bring them thousands of millions of money. Finally, it is recognised that information such as scientific research, business and the academic field need money to check and manage when it is published.

In spite of the above arguments, I support the view that information has an important role to promote the development of the world. The main benefit of information freedom is that everyone not only rich persons but also poor people can has chance to further information. For example, when I was a university student, I didn't have enough money to afford the charge of papers and my university wasn't also the member of Elsevier. It was meant that some information was limited for someone who they really needed. In my view, it is important for everyone to receive the information what they need because the more persons get the knowledge the more questions can be solved.

In conclusion, information freedom certainly has it drawbacks, but I believe that the benefits outweigh in the long term.
HanNguyen0510 18 / 40 17  
Feb 1, 2018   #2
Hi nanajohn, here are some of my opinion as a reader:

1/ I think that you opening idea is unclear, which should directly answer to the prompt that "should" or "should not". So far what I've read, I guess that your opinion is "information should not be shared freely"?

2/ You have some of the grammar mistakes: The third paragraph, you use "can has chance". I'm not quite sure what did you mean but the 2 verbs: can has could be written as "Can have". The same mistake with "was meant" in the same paragraph.

3/ Your conclusion and the 3rd paragraph conflicts with each other, which conflicts with a whole essay. You do not clearly point out your idea of supporting or not supporting the free information. In my opinion, this is not a neutral idea so it should have a clearly introducing and closing sentence. Or else, you could indicate your neutral idea about the topic. As a reader, I am kinda confused about your opinion on the essay
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,212 3650  
Feb 2, 2018   #3
Nana, I will congratulate you on writing more than the required 250 words for this essay. However, I will call your attention to a number of writing violations that you committed in this essay. The first, is that you did not appropriately represent a prompt restatement in the opening paragraph. It is also under the sentence requirement of 3-5 sentences. Since you failed to include the original prompt in this posting, I will be unable to show you how to correct this mistake.

Based on the sentence requirement of the essay, you also should not have more than 5 sentences per paragraph. You should be presenting only one fully explained reason in each of the 3 body paragraphs. Due to your presentation of a number of reasons per paragraph, you did not really develop the explanation of the essay in as much as you simply listed your discussion points. This created a problem with the coherence and cohesiveness of your essay. As such, you would have gotten a low score immediately in 2 of the 4 scoring sections. Specifically, the TA and C&C sections.

Based on the final sentence of your essay, you were supposed to discuss the drawbacks of the given discussion point. However, that was not the discussion reflected in your earlier statements. These are the reasons why this essay will most likely not garner a score higher than a 3.
Mai Nguyen 1 / 3 1  
Feb 2, 2018   #4
Hi Nana, I have a constructive comment for your essay:

In the second paragraph, I think you are missing conclusion which you did really well in the third paragraph.

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