Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 2

Information technology is changing our lives and dominates our home, leisure, and work activities

Cius 1 / -  
Sep 15, 2020   #1

WRITING TASK 2: Advantages or Disadvantages about "Information Technology"

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure, and work activities.
To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?

My answer is below. Please give me feedback so I can redeem myself.

In the wake of the consecutive innovations, information technology is presently not only altering multiple perspectives of people's lives but also permeating into their houses, spare time, and jobs. Personally, its merits implicitly come before for its drawbacks.

On one hand, information technology accommodates people with high-speed communication, thus people are able to connect and integrate in an instant regardless of geographical barriers. Scores of social media networks, such as Facebook and Twitter, contrive to bind people across the world together by granting them access to an extensive online ecosystem to which millions of people have affiliated so far. Moreover, so versatile and affordable is this technology that it establishes an efficacious system of dispersing and collecting data. Google, the world-prevalent search engine, for example, provides people opportunities to approach a vast majority of subjects and thus broaden their minds.

On the other hand, as information technology devises a humongous news-sharing forum, it is immensely difficult to scrutinize and censor all the uploaded news, many of which may entail inappropriate and misleading information. Hence, impressionable youngsters could encounter violent and obscene contents while surfing the internet and imitate those acts without truly comprehending the adverse consequences. To illustrate, there has been an increase in juvenile delinquency rate ever since online users could post everything on the internet at will.

In deduction, beyond dispute, information technology has significant influences on many fields of individuals' lives and comes with both pros and cons. Nevertheless, its virtues are apparently predominant since they facilitate our world by functioning as an effective means of social networking and learning.

(263 words)

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,290 2853  
Sep 15, 2020   #2
Okay. the discussion question is "To what extent..." which means you have to provide a measured response to this question. While your topic representation is acceptable, you did not provide the correct measured response to the question. Your response, towards the end of the first paragraph should have been more geared towards the following presentation:

Based on (reason 1) and (reason 2), I believe that the disadvantages of IT cannot be more than the advantages.

From the presentation of your discussion topics, you can begin writing 2 reasoning paragraphs relevant to the discussion in the following format:

Sentence 1: Topic Sentence / Perceived disadvantage
Sentence 2: Disadvantage explanation
Sentence 3: Rebuttal / Reason why it is an advantage
Sentence 4: Explanation
Sentence 5. Example to prove the explanation

By using the comparative writing style within the same paragraph, you successfully present a clear, cohesive, and totally developed reasoning discussion presentation. As of now, your writing shows a lack of focus and a desire to over inform the examiner. Your objective is not to over inform. Your target is merely to convince the reader of your opinion based on a clear explanation using both sides of the issue to illustrate.

You cannot really say "In deduction" to start your concluding paragraph. Rather, aim for a more academic opening sentence. Maybe something like "So, to review the information, it is possible to deduce that..."

Home / Writing Feedback / Information technology is changing our lives and dominates our home, leisure, and work activities